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2010-04-11 12:19 a.m.
Ah, dating. It's definitely different at this age, now that everyone is cynical and expecting the worst - or rather hardly expecting anything at all. Unfortunately, it's been my hobby as of late. This fact came to light recently while out with a potential client the other day. She asked what I do when not programming. My usual answer is to hold up the glass of whiskey that's likely already in my hand. "Nothing?! Just drinking?!" "Well, to be honest, as of late... dating."It's booty-call central these days. At the moment I'm "talking to" three women, with a couple others coming and going from time to time. "Talking to" gets the quote treatement, not for obvious reasons, but rather because I'm at a point where I don't really have much to say to anyone over the phone - or even text message for that matter. Fortunately everyone else seems to be just fine with that.
So...
There's this girl who found me on a dating site, which is a rarity on the dating sites - not having a woman contact me first, but one i'd consider actually meeting. About the same age, graphic designer, very... plain - by looks. Nothing stands out, really, but not in a bad way, as I actually like that about her. And a dry sense of humor. We got along well on our first night out. She came by for a drink, but I told her it's not going past that. First night's still a no-go for me. I'll get back to that in a minute. She came by the next night. A few hours of whiskey and conversation and so on and she headed home, which happens to be a few blocks from me.
The second night she came by, I thought I'd recognized her. She wore these ridiculously enormous glasses. A couple hours into the evening, I let on: "why would you cover such a beautiful face with those enormous glasses?" That's right, I know how to talk shit. I told her I thought I'd recognized her as a regular at the local bar. Turns out it wasn't her, just the same stupid glasses. Damned hipsters.
Anyways, a week after another night over, I text her to invite her out. She gets back...
"I'm in PA to see my parents for the weekend. And to be fair, you've been the perfect gentleman, but I think we're looking for different things."
"Fair enough, what are we looking for"
"Less whiskey, more sex. I'm not judging you or anything"
"Didn't feel judged. So, are sober booty calls out?"
"hahahaa no. call whenever"
That was easy enough. I may call her eventually. Maybe not. More on that in a bit.
Then there's the Argentinian woman who I met at MA's barbecue a couple weeks ago. One of those rare instances when my gift of gab is in full effect and I can take my pick at the party. I was talking to her and a couple friends of hers and by the end of the night it was the two of us by the fire. Incredibly thin - TOO thin, tall, big nose, pretty cute... originally from Argentina, major in photography, assistant position at some law firm, only been in town for a couple months.
Invited her out a week later for dinner, which went well. We met up with a few of my friends, which also went well. She dragged me to the dance floor, which didn't go so well, i mean - it didn't go bad - i just don't dance. She came back to my place, but slammed the breaks on the evening as soon as things started warming up. And then as she started things up again, and I slammed the breaks before my balls went from blue to purple.
She spent the night and half the next day. Her father teaches dance up in Queens and her ideal guy would be a dancer. Right. Good luck with that. She's seeing some guy who she likes to go out dancing with, but not really all that in to him. Right. Good luck with that as well. She called yesterday and we'll likely meet up next week for dinner and whatnot. Right, good luck with that. But I do dig her.
And then there's my favorite of the bunch. The bartender. My favorite bartender, as a matter of fact. She works at this semi-divy place in Brooklyn that a few of us occassionally stumble into and take our time to stumble out of. We've been exchanging glances for more than a year now. Back then it was because I had a girl, then I wasn't hollaring at anyone, then I was figuring out the dating thing again, and finally - at that point that dating gets boring again - that's when it's time to go for the better ones, and so I did a couple months back.
At the time I'd been trying to convince every woman I'd known - regardless of interest - to come and get drunk in a movie theater with me. It's not that rare as that's been _the_ date for about a month, but everyone had either already seen Shutter Island or didn't want to see it. So, while complaining about this to GF and MA, the bartender walks up to ask us if we want another round and I just...
"Yo, you want to go get drunk and watch a movie with me?"
"Hell Yeah!"
"Tomorrow?!"
"Cool"
Got her number and it was all set. Met up the next day, we skipped the movie and just bar hopped for about 8 hours. Warms the soul, really. Didn't kiss her at the end of the night though. A couple things came up that night. First, she'd just split up out of a year relationship a couple days before. First flag. Second, this is my favorite bartender at my favorite bar. As a drunk, I've a lot to lose here. So, a kiss on the cheeck and off she went.
We hung out another time with a few of our friends and I hadn't seen her much since because she's been jumping around the country for a month. Finally back, I stopped at her bar and invited her to a burlesque show, which was just this past Thursday. Drinks went well, dinner went well, the burlesque show was a blast...
During the show they have a couple volunteer games. She raised her hand for the first one. The game is to chug a beer from between the thighs of one of the dancers. She's a bit tall so... lost. Sad face. Added to the fun of the night, though, until the next game came along. And of course I suddenly hear "You! The tall guy with the beard in the back!" I put my head down as people looked around, but when I raised it back up, "Yes You!" Fuck. I came up, and they picked another guy from the front of the crowd. Of course... Dance competition.
I couldn't shy away; my date had just gotten off that very stage. I stood on the stage, between the two scantily clad women, next to the dude i was competing against. We both looked at each other with an agreeable "aw fuck." I went first - hip hop track. I looked at the people's feet in the front row and just shook my ass off as close to the beat as I could keep it - arms flailing and pumping, knocking a couple lights out on the chandelier and stopped a couple seconds before the song stopped. I stepped aside and let dude do his thing. He was smooth - a guy who could actually dance. But the cheers went to the tall idiot. That's right, I won a free whiskey.
Amidst the high fives and ass slaps, I walked to the back of the bar, where my date was standing on the mini-stage in the front window (where the dancers dance during intermission) - where she'd been so she could be sure to see the whole damned thing. Got up, embarrassed, but glad it was over. Good place for a kiss, and so we did. Another drink later we're outside for a smoke and a bit of conversation. We dig each other, but she just got out of a relationship. Regardless of what happens, let's not fuck up what we already have, etc, etc. A couple more kisses and so on.
The rest of the night was just as fun. The next bar was one of those where the bartenders get on the bar from time to time, pouring colorful drinks into people's faces. My date and GF got dragged up on the bar twice. By the end of the night, we were all pretty hammered. My date wanted to stop at her bar (where she works) on the way back to her place and invited me along. Too drunk and exhauseted - especially for another bar, I declined.
We texted back and forth for a bit that night and her last text was "Why aren't you here with me?" And my response "for the same reason I bruised my knee coming up my steps a few minutes ago."
Going to see her next week. No idea where that one is going, but for the first time in a few months, I wouldn't mind seeing it go somewhere.
As for the no-go on the first night i meet someone: In the past 6 months almost every mediocre and better date has turned into an invite for a booty call. "You're such a great guy" "You're a sweetheart" "I really want to see you again" "I have such a great time with you" etc. But in the end, they just want the call at 2am. I'm not feeling it. Sure, 5 years ago, that was my shit. But these days, it feels more like a waste of time. Obviously I'm not that hard-up right now. After these past 6 months, if I want a piece of ass, I have about 10 numbers I can call. But frankly, that bores the shit out of me.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for a solemate, a wife, a mother-to-be, or even a girlfriend. I want someone to drink with. Someone to travel with. Someone to chill out and do nothing with. Sex, sure - and plenty of it. But not just. Does that mean open relationship? Or beneficial friends? Fuck if I know. But I do know dating's gotten boring - as it tends to - and I want more than just a lay.