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Defeated

2005-06-24 4:10 p.m.

I�ve been such a mess in the past week. I�ve lost quite a bit. Some my fault, some beyond my control� And while in a frenzy to regain and hold on to whatever I could, I may have lost something incredibly important to me.

Things I've worked on, with, and for - for some time - have found means to parting ways due to death, history, contractual bullshit and whatever else. In my frenzy of swipes to grab hold of something... something which seemed to be following suit... I may have caused serious damage.

A talked me down quite a bit. Ironically I woke her out of bed and in turn she helped me find a way out of bed as well. I haven't mentioned the other shit to her either. Or to much of anyone for that matter. It all seemed so minor on their own, but the pile's become very heavy and I've completely lost my cool.

I know I should have mentioned I had some issues I was dealing with as well. I was too proud to admit lingering defeat. I have no idea what could possibly happen, but I�m hopeful that things can be better.