Drinking Candy
2005-05-23 11:22 p.m.
I filled the pot about a quarter way up and put the fire on high. I looked in the cabinet to grab some of my brand name green tea. When I knocked with my knuckle the weight of the box gave instant notice of the lack of contents. I needed some tea. I can�t smoke without something to drink along side these days, and I had a serious craving for some nicotine. I glanced to the other end of the shelf and noticed the bundle of blow pops from the drive over here.I grabbed the watermelon, cut the stick off and dropped it in the water. About 4 or 5 minutes later I came back and noticed that the gum and the tip of the stick remained. I stirred it up and noticed a small layer of gum under where the candy laid. I burned my mouth on the spoon when tasting and once the feeling came back to my lips and I could taste it was still a bit weak I went back to the cabinet. Damn, no more watermelon. Ok� The strawberry will probably compliment it.
This time I was sure to pull the candy out right before it got to the gum. When I pulled it out, a string of candy dripped off and then hardened. A solid drip of strawberry candy - the perfect teaser to my new concoction. I looked in my travel cup that I�ve been using (I drink tea too slowly to use a normal cup) and noticed about a half cup of green tea left from an hour ago. I poured the candied tea into the cup and let it cool for a few minutes. Not too sweet since it was pretty well diluted. The tea seemed to offer a good base, but a lil too strong. I poured it all back into the pot to dilute the tea. Ah, perfection. Probably would go incredibly well with vodka. Can�t afford any kind of vodka that I�d actually drink right now, so the sweet tea will have to suffice.
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On Tuesday night at about 930 pm I got off the phone with this amazing woman in Chicago who I can�t seem to get enough of and started to pour myself a drink. I was pretty tired from the day and was looking forward to drowning the day away a bit, sharing a couch with my roommate before I wandered into a slumber.
I got a call from who may end up being one of the largest clients I�ve ever even considered having. I met these two about a week ago over a sandwich at the farmer�s market and was looking forward to getting some work from them. They were in a bad spot. They had a flash site they needed done by midday tomorrow and their flash guy had no chance in hell of getting it done on time. My flash is rusty, but pretty good. Many a late night (on into morning) I�ve spent tinkering with flash movies and experiments.
Ok, but I gotta charge my rush fee. No problem? Solid. And off I went, laptop on the kitchen table, drink beside me and a half pack of smokes ready for a quick and painless death. I got busy. I ROCKED that shit. By 7am the client was thoroughly impressed with what I�d accomplished and my day was ready to be perfect. Had a couple bugs to squash � half hour of work tops. I just had to drop my roommate off at E3 for the first of 2 days of work my cousin�s friend hooked him up with. After that, a quick meeting, then to a Kinko�s to finish up.
The drive downtown was disturbing. I had to stop to grab some caffeine to ensure I didn�t rear end anyone, and since it was the first day of the convention the streets were parking lots. Got G to the Staples center by 9 (an hour late) and went off to my meeting at 10. Fuck, no address. Ok stop at Kinko�s, crack open the laptop, get the address and be out. Done. In the parking lot, while headed to my car some woman almost backed right into me. She stopped about 2 inches from me as I looked dead in her eyes in her rear view mirror. I did my best to project the look of �Come on, hit me bitch�, and then went on to get into my car.
The meeting was about 15 minutes. I told the guy I pulled an all nighter so go easy on me. I barely remember anything that was said. Very matter of fact. Very blah blah, lets work together blah blah. On the way out, I jumbled my shit and said something silly and I was off. Nice� they have a Kinko�s in the building. Finished up and started uploading the 20 mb flash file and my laptop battery goes south. I plug my shit in and notice it�s pretty loose. I look at the laptop and notice it was fucked.
I tell the client and they tell me that we�re fucked. They needed this in NOW. For about 20 minutes I could swear I�d somehow ended up in Korea � not a single sign in enjish besides the liquor stores and a big ol �Korea Air�. Finally, I found myself in a Home Depot parking lot, an ashtray full of tiny screws and parts and pieces of my laptop sprawled all over the car, cigarette burning down making my left eye squint, button up unbuttoned, ROASTING in the noon sun in an un-air conditioned and slightly overheated car. Some bummy looking dude watching me work. There was no hope. Fixing this required a soldering iron, a steady pair of hands and good lighting, none of which was available to me for the moment.
I�d gotten completely lost on the way back home. While figuring my way back, I decided to call the previously mentioned incredible woman to complain about my long day and helped keep my sanity in line. I grabbed my earpiece, plugged it into my phone and followed it with my finger tips to the other end for the earbud. The wire dropped right out of my hands before I got to the end. The earbud end had been completely ripped off somehow. I sat staring at the torn wire and could do NOTHING but laugh hysterically for a solid 3 minutes. The people in the car next to me gave the greatest look completely unaware of how funny this torn wire actually was.
I pulled into the parking spot in front of my place. A pile of laptop in hand, I hit the kitchen table ready to get my shit fixed. 3 hours later, the laptop was in a lot more pieces and my hopes of getting it up and running were nil. I was far too tired and flustered to work on this thing right now. It�s too old to give that much a damn, and all I needed was what�s on the drive anyways�
I didn�t get to sleep til 2am the next day � somewhere around my 5th wind
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I called my ex to ask her to ship my computer. I needed it asap. It was Thursday morning and she had to go to work. No chance of going in late. Ok, she�ll ship it on Friday evening. Gravy. I can�t afford the $300 to next day air the thing for Saturday delivery, but I couldn�t afford not to either.
Saturday afternoon comes and I get 2 out of 3 boxes. To this day, my second flat panel monitor is somewhere between Brooklyn and Venice. If they don�t find it by Tuesday, I get to file claim for the insurance. Fuck it, not worth worrying about with all this other shit rolling around my dome.
I got the client back. We couldn�t get that job in on time, but my work will be included on the second half of the job. I�m not getting my rush price, but I�m getting my normal price, which is still pretty damned good. At least it�s enough to cover shipping all my shit out here.
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It�s pretty funny that G and I are both completely against even attempting long distance shit and we both ended up in it. His girl broke it off with him a week ago, but came to her senses and took him back a couple days later. He doesn�t say much, but I know he�s happy about it.
So she works at that bar my cousin slings drinks at, where G used to work door. It�s that one rich-folk bar � which became apparent the other night when the guy V was serving gave her a $5k tip yesterday. I dropped G at the airport today, as she bought him a ticket to go see him for a week right away.
Of course, I�d rather she only brought him out for a weekend since that bastard�s gotta find a damn job. He assured me he�d get some loot while he was back home. Not my concern how he comes up with it as long as he does. So I wished him well, and I was back to my dining room to get to work.
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My ex called today crying. It finally sunk in for her that I�m gone. I mean really sunk in. I hate to hear her cry so hard. It�s so damned heavy and I�m currently incapable of lifting it well. She wants me to tell her I miss her. She wants me to tell her I�ll be back for good. She wants me to tell her I made a mistake. She blames herself. She�s not gonna get what she wants and she�s far too selfish to even attempt to understand why.
The worst part is this. After I told her why I can�t tell her I miss her and after I reiterated why I left, and after I told her that I wasn�t coming back, and after I explained how she REALLY needs to move on � for her own happiness, and after she hurriedly got off the phone with me, I went back to watching platoon, REALLY wishing I could go grab that bottle of Black Label. And 5 minutes later she called again. She�s asking my advice as to how to move on. She doesn�t have anyone else to ask. She doesn�t have anyone to call and talk shit about me to. Ironically this was one of the problems back then. That all she had was me and her unwillingness to make it otherwise�
Hey... how about that, she just called again to give me the �one day you�ll miss me and one day you�ll be chasing me� thing. I hate to say it�s unlikely, but is. I�d given her so much more that she thinks I had. I�d worked so hard to keep it together for so long. And when I couldn�t stand working so hard anymore without feeling it was reciprocated, it was time to go. I didn�t spring it on her. I didn�t hint about it either. I flat out told her time and time again. I was master of communication. And when she called today, the first time she claimed it was surprise. By the 3rd call the admitted it wasn�t.
I need to get my shit out of that apartment as soon as possible. She didn�t mention it, but I know she doesn�t need my shit around her all day. Granted it�s all boxed up, but that means nothing. I imagine it looms. I hate not being able to get my shit out of there right now.
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There�s nothing I want to do more right now than to see the woman I talk to for 2 to 4 hours a night. I want to taste her navel. I hit the travel sites looking for some disturbingly good deal to get her out here during this week my roommate�s away. No chance in hell. So I just got right back to work to make sure I can get her out here or me out there as soon as possible.
Sometimes she makes me feel like I�m holding her to this, and I wish she wouldn�t. I�ve never been this confident in wanting to be with someone before, but I�m by no means keeping her against her will. I really wish she was as optimistic about this as I am. Maybe it is futile. And maybe it�ll all go to shit long before it has a chance to blossom. And then again maybe I�ll catch a face full of bus next time I cross the street. I�m gonna keep goin places, regardless of the errant buses out there and I�m gonna keep giving her my all� If it fails, I promise it won�t be from a lack of effort.
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There�s more knocking about, but none of it is tangible enough to write. I am so fucking mentally exhausted right now. I would really enjoy some vodka in my candy tea right now.