Moldy Coffee

2004-11-30 10:40 a.m.
Moldy coffee isn�t as bad as I expected it to be�

As G. asked this morning, �Coffee gets moldy?!�

Why yes. Yes it does.

There was a point when I hadn�t actually known this fact either.

A couple years back, I recall reading an article about Chicago�s tap water being cleaner than bottled water. I�ve no idea of the merit of said article, but I do recall that I�d been drinking from the tap since birth. Unsophisticated upbringing aside, I remember tap water being amazingly refreshing, clear and perfect. Not so much the case, here in Brooklyn � noticeably so.

I honestly don�t know much about water. N. hooked up some really interesting info about the water situation in Cali a while back, which seems nothing short of dismal. The fact that anyone would actually know that much about a water situation in their state says a lot about the situation, on its own. That was the first time I ever really �considered� water. It was always just something that came from the sink, perfect for the drinking.

Back �home� I used to drink TONS of coffee. There were times when I would brew an entire pot, grabbed an oven mitt as a coaster and finish the pot before it cooled off too much. Of course, those were the days when I could stay up 3 days straight without a blurred thought� These days, I need a nap every 4 or 5 hours.

Sometimes I would brew it up and leave for a weekend of debauchery. Get home 3 or 4 days later without sleep, heat the pot in the microwave and guzzle. No problems. No oddities. It didn�t taste perfect, but it wasn�t bad. There were definitely no apparent issues with the coffee.

These days I can only drink about 2 or 3 cups in a day. One reason may be that I smoke far less these days. Partially because I just don�t NEED a pack a day anymore (unless I�m drinking all day), and partially because I try not to smoke (albeit somewhat unsuccessfully) when my girl�s home, as she�s not a smoker. Another reason is that coffee just doesn�t seem as good to me anymore. It just doesn�t do for me what it once did.

So I always brew a 6 cup pot. I used to do the whole pot out of habit, but due to my current habits I finally learned to halve that. I mean you know when you actually NEED coffee, you feel like you could kill a scalding pot in 3 gulps. It took a bit for me to get the idea down that I couldn�t anymore. I finish about half of that half pot, and then zone off in my absent mindedness and notice the quarter pot a couple days later.

But a couple days later, with � of the coffee I used to leave lying around and it seems a garden has taken root at the surface. After 2 days, a few spore clumps or whatever. After 4 days, I thin layer at the top. After a week, a nice solid gunk with a wretched smell � but only if you open the lid. And pouring it into the toilet the first couple times tickled the gag reflex a bit.

So, before I went to Trinidad, I had a solid week of hard work and great nights out. Such a combination absolutely requires a drug. And coffee would have to do. I finished my couple cups, left the pot for a bit � but was a bit more alert (an oddity for me) and noticed it in time to dump it sans disgust. Nice. Caught it. Next time I want to make coffee, I won�t have to scrub the pot.

Of course, this morning I go to make myself a pot. Giving myself the internal groggy pat on the back for taking care of the pot earlier. I ran to the store, grabbed a can of the goods, filled the pot with water, swing the lid open with a filter in hand�

A solid BRICK of mold. I was amazed. You could prop the thing under a wobble refrigerator and never worry about your beer bottles rolling to one side again. Luckily, no scent, although it does explain the odd scent in the kitchen a couple days ago.

After some prodding with a plastic fork, the brick was gone. Of course, with such a thing you HAVE to try to get it out in one piece. Every little piece breaking off is pure heartbreak. Not just the mess of it, but you just NEED it to be a full brick in the shape of a coffee filter. The moment yearns for such a monument.

So I got about a 4/5 brick out and it�s now the star atop the ceremonial pink tree we call the garbage can. The topping on the trash cake. The headstone on the grave of our waste. You get the idea (speaking of which, I should probably take that out today).

And of course, coffee filter holder things have these little ridges. As if they HELPED the coffee get to the lil hole in the middle. I�m sure it would get there fine without little reservoirs, but hey, you need to be stylish on a $30 coffee pot. The bad part of these ridges, which now seem like minor rock formations in fields of moss, is that you can�t actually FIT anything in them. Cleaning out all those corners is an impossibility to the highest degree.

I COULD soak the fucker, but I NEED COFFEEE. And I already went out today to get the coffee in the first place. I saw the neighborhood today� There was nothing worth going back out for. Sorry dunk�n donuts, but you missed out.

So I cleaned it my best, with not-so-obvious remnants of what COULD be leftovers. But they were determined to stay. And I was determined to make coffee. So�

Well, it�s not as bad as I thought it would be. Could taste it a bit on first sip, but the next sip and forward� nada. I was secretly hoping it would add to the flavor. My new secret to perfect coffee� It worked with the coffee can filled with grease at grandma�s house, why not this?!

Well, I don�t fell like finding out for sure. At least not today.

Ah well, fuck it. As mentioned in one of the greatest newspaper comics of all time (Boondocks)�

�They can�t all be deep�