Speechless
2005-09-04 8:09 a.m.
I�m generally not one to be speechless. Sure there are plenty of instances when I�ve little to say due to boredom or disinterest or unshared reminiscence or a beautiful moment that would be an abyss to any formation of words. But to be speechless out of surprise or excitement is such a rarity. As rare as surprise or excitement.And tonight, an hour after I walked in from a pointless dinner with an fairly cute aspiring yoga instructor, there was a knock at my door. I threw on my jeans and answered, expecting a neighbor or misdirected food delivery. But on the other side of the door was the very last thing I could possibly expect�
The first woman to ever propose to me and mean it. Not a single word would have mattered. A vision� A solid mix of classic beauty, magazine-cover splendor and affluence with a femininity and vigor to make any attempt at arrogance an immediate farce. Her hand crafted heels stepped around my jaw, which had been laid out between us, and she squealed and jumped onto my shoulders. A sweet kiss to my right ear kicked my head into working condition.
�How the fuck did you find me?�
�I talked to so and so, who talked to so and so, who had so and so�s number, who had your address out here.�
�How did you know I was here?�
�I found out last week and had to come see you�
�Are you working?�
�I considered picking up a client while I�m here, but I�m not worried about it. I�ll be leaving for Australia tomorrow.�
�So you�re still��
Her embarrassed glance towards our feet said yes. She�d just bought her third house and was in New York last week to get her investments in order. When she found that I wasn�t out there anymore, she went on a hunt and here she was.
She lives incredibly well, as far as her bank book is concerned. She rarely has to sell her body anymore. Mostly just companionship with futile attempts at sex barely worth mentioning. She�s in different countries every month, dancing and dining in expensive restaurants and private parties and expensive hotels with very lonely, very rich men (a redundant statement).
I instantly fell in love with her again as we�d been years ago. And to my absolute delight, a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue made way out of her Italian travel bag.
�I figured you�d be drinking scotch by now�
�Only you could know me without knowing me�
It took hours before either of us mentioned that it�s been 3 years since we last spoke. I last saw her in New York, while in a bad state. She talked me out of some very drastic things and helped me remember why we�ve been destined to rule the world from the trenches.
And here she was, on my $100 couch. Her affluent presence reminding me how meager my current situation is. Her conversation reminding me how wealthy I continue to be.
I ran down the stories of the past 4 years. I told her of my recent conversations with M. I ran down my 4 winters and then 1 summer of love. It was as if she�d already known everything I�ve been through merely through eye contact. She told me stories of luxury and wealth and loneliness and unrequited love and the demons of man and the struggle of woman and how unimpressive most of her companions have been.
�Lonely fools chasing wealth and power with little understanding of the warmth of love. What I would give for� well� for this.�
�Well, �this�, is always here, but you�ll never allow it for yourself�
She knows. She�s so used to being paid for her presence she can barely find comfort in day-to-day relationships. No-less we were instantly back home. The two of us. Like it was when I was 16, and she was dancing for strangers and teaching me the ways of women.
She�s the first woman I�ve ever watched eat another woman�s pussy. She�s the first woman to ever masturbate before me. We�ve never slept together. Well, we�ve fallen asleep with each other thousands of times, but never took it further. It�s not that we�re brother / sister by any means, as the mutual attraction used to be unbearable. But I�m a selfish bastard who refuses to share, and she�s a greedy bitch.
The conversation was fantastic. Politics (with inside info), business, love, sex�
�Eventually it becomes what it�s always been. Beyond that you�ve awkward positions and situations and costumes. In the end, it�s the warmth that makes it all worthwhile.�
20 minutes after she�d fallen asleep on my shoulder, I�d received another mass drunk dial. I�d meant to shut my phone off, and I was a bit embarrassed, but I�m glad I didn�t. Voices I haven�t heard in 10 years. A bachelor party for a once very good friend. He�s getting married Friday and I�m now considering heading to Chicago for the event, though I shouldn�t splurge on a suit until I can Splurge On A Suit. They handed me around, and drunken slurs of warmth and love made their way through the satellites and into my stomach.
I put the phone down and polished off the bottle. We woke up a couple hours ago. She called her ride and in 20 minutes a brand new Hummer was out front. A sweet kiss and she was off to Australia and then to Italy and then... well� I probably won�t know for some time.
And I�m off to bed.