Free At Last
2006-02-15 9:03 a.m.
Feb 14 is generally the first day many realize their woman is completely full of shit and insane to a retarded degree. When you guys met, you ranted about �hallmark holidays� and showing love to someone any and every day of the year, not just one specific day designated by the candy companies and she threw up her fists and cheered you on�But don�t give her some sort of raised attention on that day and you�re fucked. Not in the good way. It doesn�t matter how convincing she is when she tells you she doesn�t want a damn thing on chocolate day. It doesn�t matter if she seems indifferent to your call or text message or email or whatever the fuck means of contact� She gives a damn, and if you�ve ANY sense, you�ll take FULL advantage of that fact.
I was elated to have no such responsibility this year. For the first Feb 14 since� damn� since� wow� now that I think of it� 7th grade? Has it really been that long? Lemme count it out (no, not out loud).
Shit. Hell yeah, no wonder yesterday was so damned liberating. I haven�t skipped a VDay in about 16 years.
And believe me, early on, I�ve tried the VDay�s-no-big-deal route. What a horrible fucking idea that was. You want to talk about an asinine argument with absolutely no basis in reality? Get a woman to skip VDay with you and still talk to you the next day without some semblance of hatred. If you�re wondering why things have �changed� soon after, you need to change your light bulb.
I wasn�t even gonna send text messages yesterday, but after getting 4 or so, I figured I might as well. I did my best to time those amidst their plans with something uncomfortably embarrassing about their date, which seemed to work well. Nothing like the drunk dial at 2am about the fight you started hours earlier with an innocent text message about how much some miscellaneous chump is spending to get laid.
I was NOT trying to start any fights. I was merely trying to make people blush and laugh from a distance. I can�t be blamed for the recipients� lack of tact. One should never allow a third party start an argument�
�Allowing instigation is your own fault. And you know it is. You laughed aloud while he wrestled with his lobster shell and let the evening go sour because you�re crazy. You�re a woman and you�d much rather drama than a pleasant evening. Deny it if you must, but deep down, you know you�re nuts by default.�
Nothing quite like the slurred and drawn out� �I knoooow, I knooooow�
So now, with a half bottle of scotch draining through my pores from a day of work and a late evening with a bong, bottle and roommate, I�m overjoyed to say that my nearest held interest is at least 2000 miles away (well, there�s that one just under 400 miles away, but I don�t think that�s mutual). The girl next door shall remain the girl next door. My clients shall remain my clients. Those few will remain some-chick-i-met-at-the-bar. At least for now� I�m a free man.