Friendly Beatdown

2008-06-05 4:11 a.m.
I caught a rather unexpected argumentative beatdown by an old friend over the weekend. Not unexpected because of the person, as she's the type to do such things and has proven that trait consistently over the years, but rather unexpected because of how terribly misguided her opinions of me were.

I'm not one to mind criticism. As a matter of fact, I look forward to it. I tend to distrust those who are unable to disagree with me. But when those disagreements are baseless, it's even harder to find trust.

So on Saturday, while enjoying AW's birthday dinner with 4 close friends and 6 others who I've know for years and haven't seen in some time, I got a text from JT about going on a train ride with her and her son at 10:30 am. It was about 8:30pm at the time and being that it was the early stages of a birthday celebration for a good friend, I didn't really see getting up at 9am even resembling my deck of cards (we parted at about 5am).

I responded with a "possibly", and offered to invite them to my friend's house which happens to be incredibly kid-friendly (he's a father of 10 and shares his home with his 3 youngest adorable and intelligent daughters) and is also along that same train ride.

In a 6-text response, I'd been berated for my lack of structure and for not being able to give a definitive positive response.

In most instances, this would make me smile to say the very least. Unstructured, Check. Obtuse about getting up early after a night of drinking 'til dawn, Check. But the details within her remarks were a bit far-fetched and in this specific case, they were from a person whose opinion I tend to hold in the utmost regard.

The next day we continued the argument over email...

Her frustration isn't without warrant. She's a 3-year mother with a full-time job who is just finishing college (full-time as well) at an Ivy League School. She's very "single-mother", except that the father lives with them. He doesn't work much and she's fine with it for whatever reason. (He's a great guy, otherwise - I've know him for about as long as her - about 15 years). So with all that, and my admittedly odd schedule, finding time to hang out is rather difficult.

But it's not like she was telling me she's sorry that we both have a hard time making the time. She specifically decided it was about time I learned the difference between friends and associates, which in her mind was my unhealthiest retardation. She also decided that my lack of structure was a menace. Then she went on to tell me how she's grown beyond x, y, and especially z, and in the next paragraph told me something about her 2 - 8 friends and her "groupies." Oh, and something about the fact that I'm always right. One more thing she's outgrown... Insulting people, to which I responded "as if somehow insult were in the domain of the speaker and not the recipient" (something i know WAY too much about).

That was enough. For one, I'm rarely right. It's the subject of the majority of my daily hearty laugh. Second, if I "get" anything in the world, it's my relation to others. Besides what I do to pay bills, that's one of the few things I really "get." And finally, what the fuck is a groupie?!?! I get it from a celebrity standpoint - but as a full-time student / worker-bee?

The bullshit bells rang loud.

I have to reiterate here that this is a woman who has held my highest respect for years and someone I consider very close. Her words tend to hold meaning for me - moreso than most. But this was getting ridiculous. I don't give a fuck who you are, bullshit is bullshit.

The ending half of the ending paragraph of my response:
"You're not perfect either, miss. I just don't feel the need to point out exactly how in order to argue whether or not you've 'outgrown' such things. I don't care what you've outgrown. You're still as much a child as I whether you'll accept that fact or not. And it's REALLY silly to tell me how 'grown' you are while maintaining some rant about me not being your BFF anymore."

Haven't heard form her since.

The saddest part of the story is that I'll have to miss out on the next 2 - 3 years of her son's life. She's gone on similar tirades in the past. Last time it was because I was amidst a Super Techmo Bowl Marathon at G's house and her disdain for games wasn't effective enough in getting us to go to a museum with her instead. She ignored me for 2 years after that. She was childless at the time.

Next I'll see him, once she gets over herself, will likely be when he's well into school. The gravity of the situation kept my words carefully chosen, but in the end it's her beef, her ego and her kid.

Gonna miss them.