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2005-09-26 11:13 p.m.
Some excerpts from the weekend��
I had one of those strange feelings the other day. I haven�t had one in a while, though the de ja vu still hits me at least once every six to eight weeks. More regularly when I�m in Chicago. It�s one of those feelings that force you to call those closest to you to make sure everything�s alright. Of course my list of who-to-call is long and short at once in that I�m fairly well detached from just about everyone for the moment. I faintly recall the times I�d call people at 3 or 4 in the morning, completely sober though they didn�t believe it, with my subtle pleading to ensure everything was alright.
I remember when I used to get that feeling somewhat often. I�d make the calls and sometimes something would be going down and sometimes not. The something was always unexpected and usually drastic, but I felt really stupid when there was nothing. It�s a curse I�ve gained from my grandmother and that source has barred me from exploration.
She dreams of long conversations with people and days later they die. You can call it what you want, but I�ve heard her in tears explaining her dreams to my mother, half polish half english, and I�ve listened and watched her receive the somber call days later. I don�t believe or disbelieve, but rather choose not to follow such instincts within myself. I don�t want to predict death. I don�t want to be a psychic. I never cared enough to decide whether or not I believe in such things. I have enough trouble getting along with the world as is without some freakish shit going on in my head.
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After a long and hard Friday and Saturday (last weekend), SM gave a call inviting me over to chill. Exactly what I needed. I went over, we made some lunch and got her food shopping done. We got back, she put on the Emmys and I passed out immediately. I was awoken a couple hours later to an incredible dinner she was sweet enough to put together. We caught up a bit and I was on my way back west.
We have a strange thing going, just as it was when we were 17. A strange attraction that�s enough to hold interest, but not enough to do much about. If either one of us made a move, the other would probably follow, but neither of us is sure the move should be made. Of course, I don�t actually know it�s mutual as I�m horrible at reading such things, but that�s what it seems to be. Personally, I�m quite happy with a faint awkwardness and occasional dinner.
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On Wednesday, I went to have dinner on the boardwalk to watch the sunset. Gave P a call since he lives 2 doors down from where I was eating and next I know I�m in a $20 buy-in of Texas Hold�em with some of the industry�s finest. I�d doubled my money in the first 20 minutes. By the end I was the only one who hadn�t had to buy my way back into the game. I�d been knocked out 3rd out of the 6 (not counting those who got knocked out and bought back in), but I was glad to know I held on beyond the re-buy limit.
I noticed I play poker like everything else, including spades. I play to see that I can win and once I see that, I grow bored quickly. I begin playing hands I've no reason playing. I begin talking shit I've no purpose in talking. I begin to look elsewhere for excitement. Unfortunately, my job has been gaining that familiar scent. I'm hoping I can surpass it, at least in that instance. I don't mind losing $20 every couple weeks over drinks, smoke and cigars but to lose a hundred an hour over unrequited tedium might prove painful.
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Say I put you in a sound proof white room. Blank white walls, ceiling and floor. Blank white table, in perfect condition with no scratches or scuffs on the edges. The lighting perfect in showing not a single shadow. A blank sheet of paper on the table with a white plastic pen. The only objects holding color being yourself and your person (clothes, etc) and the tip of the plastic pen. Now, in this blank room, I tell you� Create something.
Uninspired by your silent and sterile surroundings, what would you create?
This is the request I got from a client the other day. They called at noon on Friday, after I�d been working for 10 hours and gave me an absurdly general idea of the project and told me to innovate. Make it better than anything that exists today.
I put the phone down, looked at my blank sheet of paper in my blank room and my head stated subtly� �fuck you, you�re on your own.� Nothing new or innovative was coming to me anytime soon. Not on this subject anyways. I had a couple ideas and researched them a bit, but the lack of shadow in the room was disheartening. I went by J�s to ask him his professional opinion and he helped a bit. Regardless of my opinion of him thus far, he�s very good at what we do.
Fortunately his Costco size bottle of Bombay helped even more, and the political / social discussion soon after helped a lot more. Not in creating, as I�d given up on that idea long before that phone call. Rather in winding down from a busy week. The welcome mat to the weekend.
Once I had my nice lil buzz on and bid J a good time at the Bill Maher show I was off to my place, awaiting a call that I figured wasn�t coming by the far too busy K and weaved in and out of consciousness on my couch (first time I�d been on the couch all week).
Once I dozed off, DM called (previous post).
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I was a lil pissed on Sunday. There was alocal festival I hadn�t really been planning on attending until I�d received 6 invites. They all failed. JP�s phone had been shut off, so I�m letting him off. K was sick, though I didn�t� know til I got home. The lil bastard could have let a motha fucker know. JC never called. P wasn�t where he said he�d be. M and A showed up for a minute but by the time I got to where they said they were they�d been a couple miles away. I was on foot and there was no way in fucking hell I was walking to where they went. Back to the boardwalk it is�
God damned flaky ass LA folk. This ain�t the first time and it�s far from the last. Gotta make plans with 8 to 10 people just to have a couple come through. I don�t give a damn when LA folk flake out as it�s expected, but I give Chicago mothafuckers an earful when they do it.
Saw Lord of War tonight and I liked it better than I�d expected. Not worth the theater premium (read: glad I didn�t see it in the theater), but I enjoyed it no less.
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I checked my stats for the first time in months and I�m glad to see people still actually come here. I still can�t figure why, but hey, if you like this bullshit, and I don�t mind writing it, I guess everything�s good.