Compatibility
2006-05-30 3:23 a.m.
Occasionally I get shit for not dating. VT wrote me miscellaneously a couple months back with a general what-goes-on, adding �So who are you dating now, you�re always dating someone,� to which I replied a confident �I have no time for you women folk.�Which is true, but not for the usual brash reasons I tend to dispense. I Am very busy. I�m in the midst of beginning a company with grand canyon proportions, as well as a client roster that keeps the desk lamp burning through the late hours. Add sleep to the list of ex girlfriends who I only hear from when lonely.
The real issues I hold with general companionship are, just as with all else, a matter of balance.
The teetering, in general terms, is between appeal and comfortability. We all have our quirks. I know I�m a weird fucker. I carry myself rather conservatively while looking at the world liberally. I try to hold a high moral ground, but hold no one to my standards. My drinking habits would embarrass fish and I smoke like a chimney. My jealousy is curbed by my arrogance, which tends to waver by the minute.
Worse yet, once you get a whiff of thirty, the pressures begin to blister. Shit, I have 10 recent first-time mothers to congratulate on my next trip to Chicago, and 3 in NY. I can�t even count the weddings in the past year or so and 6 to come this year alone. The numbers mean little beyond a minimal background weight that my time is near. Add to that the inundation of all those happy folk ready to pull you into their misery and it becomes rather hard to ignore.
Of course, the general advice is �Go Back to New York,� which Is valid. NY is an adults� playground where one can be single comfortably far longer than most other places � especially the Midwest. But that doesn�t work for me. I�m not as adverse to being �tied down� as most. Admittedly, I have a select few in mind, who may or may not know of their presence on my silly mental list, whom I�ve no idea how to approach.
When I�d first left home, I was absolutely positive that making a Family work was impractical and impossible. I was thoroughly convinced that there was no such thing as a Functional Family. But since then, I�ve met some families who make the fa�ade seem real. Some people who actually still love each other after 15 - 20 years of marriage with kids and the whole mess.
Mind you, they have their issues but more important than anything I�ve learned that the term �functional� sits contentedly on a grey scale. For some, functional is the 50�s family and for others it includes a quarterly guest to enrich the passion. More than anything �functional� means - regardless of what it takes, be it the monthly binge or shopping spree or life-threatening argument or whatever - that in the end� it works.
The compromises aren�t too heavy. The mere sight of your significant other might make your blood boil at times but once the moment has passed, the passion is easily regained.
And again this leads to the balance. As some of you have picked up I dive into my companions blind and hopeful. I have a decent gift for understanding a person beyond their bullshit fairly early on and take the ride in hopes that their general bullshit hasn�t taken over the person and passions within.
It�s just such a pain to find a good person whose quirks match up relatively well with your own. I�ve had my opportunities with absolutely gorgeous women here and elsewhere, but unintelligent conversation makes my skin crawl. If I find myself preferring whisky and an afternoon of watching grass grow over your company, I don�t give a damn how big your tits are or how fat your ass is, it�s time you go the fuck away.
And I don�t necessarily mean intelligent subjects. I bring up asinine bullshit all the time. But if you can�t comprehend how amazing edible legos are, you�re worthless to me. I spend far too much time researching the real world and starting asinine arguments with strangers to spend an afternoon explaining basic things to women who never bother to think because the world is a candy jar for the adorable and dumb.
On the other hand, they do have to be attractive � to me. Call me shallow if you like, but consistent physical passion for someone is important. When things get stale, some new packaging on the gift should be a turn on. If you still hate her after she�s put on the lacy draws or the old torn t-shirt or whatever boils your soup then something�s terribly wrong.
I dunno. Just pondering with the last swigs of this bottle of whisky, I suppose. A bit under a year of being single has brought me back to my own sensibilities and I�m happy to be here. But when one actually welcomes the phone calls from ex girlfriends, it�s time to start looking again.
On that note� a quote I�d been meaning to post since New Years. I called an ex to wish her a happy one and ended up in a very strange argument over who the hell remembers what�
�I firmly believe ex girlfriends are the fuel by which the flames of hell are made eternal.�
He might be a fucking slob, but he�s an insightful one.