Exposed

2005-01-17 2:42 a.m.
I�m sure I�ve said it in the past, but sometimes I get a fun reminder. I�m horrible with first impressions. It�s not so much that I�m not myself as I�m not quite sure how to be anyone else. It�s that I have a hard time picking that right phrase that matches my thoughts. I suppose that�s why I ramble so much.

What I meant to say is that my life would be a lot easier if she wasn�t so damned attractive. But then I�d have to explain that statement. Of course what I actually said was far worse. Not terrible, just terribly silly.

I think the conversation would have been better sober. Not so much for how and what was said, but rather so that I could remember the details better. It�s hard not to be repetitive if you�ve no idea what exactly came across in previous conversations.

I'd hoped a lot of those details would have been held a bit longer. There's still so much I'm unsure of and so much I'm unsure should be made known. I'm sure she wouldn't want me to beat myself up about it, and so I won't.

Also that night, my boy A. brought a question to light that I�d avoided my whole life. It�s something of a minor esteem issue that I�ve long overcome but still never had pointed out publicly. I dealt with it badly for the moment and forgot it by the next drink which was very soon after. It�s nothing to be ashamed of although I was until near the end of high school.

I had the most random incredible time on Friday, and I wouldn�t have changed a thing. I felt naked amongst the masses by the time I got home, but I was drunk and well fed with a happy stumble towards the door by 6am.

And a couple hours ago, after I�d raised from my knees from scrubbing the kitchen floor, I grabbed a towel and started towards the shower. The rags I was wearing were covered in cleaning products and dust bunnies. My girl came in to ask a couple questions, so I handed her the rags and asked her to toss them in the laundry bag.

While standing naked in the kitchen having a conversation, my roommate walked in. My back was turned and I don�t think she got a clear shot, but I did hear the sliding of her UFOs stop abruptly and back up slowly.

I�m not embarrassed of my body, although I�m not a huge fan of my current physique. I actually look pretty OK when standing. My height makes my weight less noticable. I could stand to lose a couple inches off my stomach, but my butt�s not too bad.

I�ve been walking around this place naked for 3 years and I�m amazed that this is the first time my roommate was subject to such a thing. Of course, now I�m gonna stop all that so as not to embarrass her again. She was sweet enough not to say anything and waited a second before she came in to talk about her day. By then, of course, I had my towel on.

Clarity is such a distant memory for the moment. All the more reason to enjoy my exposure.

As was said by a guest on Conan Obrien a week or so ago... When you are of bad physique and dancing around naked in public, everyone just thinks it's funny. Otherwise, you're just showing off.