A Week With The Family
2004-07-19 2:32 a.m.
We all learn things and change every day. If I�ve promoted anything on here, that�s probably the biggest. But once in a while we pick up on far more in far less time. Sometimes we get a chance to look through the eyes of our bloodline and see the balance within ourselves.For me, this peek into myself was more of a lingering stare that lasted a full week. A week in Ohio, in the middle of a forest, with no cell phone service, no long distance pay phones (and I don�t know anyone that lives in Ohio), one lane windy roads (aka no traffic), My auntie�s incredible cooking, and cousins� Tons of cousins.
Yes, my earlier description of a bunch of Mexicans drunk in the woods was right on. And at least half of us were stoned too. But so much more happened and so little had to be said about it.
As the 3rd youngest in my generation, I quite often felt a bit of an outcast. Not by force, but more by design. After all, as all my cousins were on road trips to Mexico to meet our distant cousins, and going on liquor runs and getting into all kinds of shit together, I was far too young. The two who are younger than me also have incredibly strict parents, which made it even worse for them.
But now I got to see everyone in a whole new light. About 25 cousins, 2 uncles and 1 aunt, and a LOT of the cousins� kids were there and I felt I connected with almost all of them. My older and one very close cousin (E.) and I took the two younger ones (now 22 and 24) out fishing.
We got stoned and a lil tipsy and taught the two of them how to hook worms and cast in the pitch black night staring into the billions of stars overhead. We told them about getting in trouble for stealing cars and breaking into suburban homes to flood their basements.
A couple days earlier, 9 of us were sitting out surrounded by tiki lamps. Myself, my girl, E., his soon-to-be-wife (who are getting married on Tuesday in) two of the older of the generation (one, my new accountant, the other the recently out-of-the-closet cousin who I chilled with in LA last year), My uncle B. and his wife.
The conversation started with politics. My family is generally republican, with good reason. I�m neither. So I was arguing both sides, until my uncle B, the stubborn conservative that he is, jumped on the gay marriage issue. My gay cousin got into the conversation at first but our uncle�s conservative view got under his skin. Finally, I jumped in.
I made my points and he made his. Everyone else was silent (with a bit of commentary), with nods and shakes regarding our points. My uncle�s points were based on sexual deviants and how once they�re allowed to do such things, the population of the world will end. My point: �Just because I vote that homosexuals get tax breaks from the government for civil unions doesn�t mean I don�t want 2 - 5 kids of my own. I very much like women as you can plainly see (nodding to my girl).� And then my uncle tried to relate gays to pedophiles (again the deviants point). My interjection ended the argument with a good laugh. �Just because I like men doesn�t mean I like them when they�re 6.�
Regardless of the points made, I gained a brand new respect for my uncle. He�s the least liked in the family although still absolutely loved. He�s the strict parent that made it hard on his 4 kids (One of which is gay). Regardless, he listened carefully to every point I made. Although he didn�t agree, he�d ensure my point was heard. He gave me full respect, which I hadn�t expected. After everyone was asleep, he came back for a 2 hour argument about immigration and helping those who don�t help themselves in our country.
I gained a better perspective on why my father�s family is republican. Although we came to this country as a poor Mexican family, we never took a handout. We dug our way out of the shit and now a good part of us are middle to upper middle class. Little government and lower taxation made that possible, and I can�t say that they are wrong. Just the opposite, my family is proof of concept. Still, I stay as close to the middle as possible, harping on E. for quoting Bill O�Reilly a little too much to be healthy.
I gained a better perspective on my ways. Why I can drink as much or more than the next man and still hold my composure. Why I�m fond of my smoking habit. Why I tend to be fairly intelligent without requiring too much study. I can see where my work ethic has birthed. I can see why people can�t quite tell when I�m serious or just talking shit. I can see why I talk so much shit.
Everyone took my girl in as they take everyone. This made me especially happy. My girl was very nervous and had no idea what to expect. Last week was the longest I�d ever seen her smile all at once. We�d only had one minor argument the whole trip. We both got to try horseback riding for the first time. It was her first time seeing such a large family function so well. There were a lot of firsts for the both of us.
At the end, my aunt and my father invited me to come to Chicago for a month or two on my way to LA. My dad wants to be friends, which is all I ever wanted in the first place. He never said it, as it�s not the kind of thing for him to say, but I know. And my aunt wants me to come by to teach me all the family secrets in the kitchen.
You would love my aunt. I adore her. She�s probably the sweetest woman I know. 75 years old, still sneaking in a cigarette once in a while, doing tequila shots with the rest of us and winning loads of money at the poker table all week, meanwhile keeping everyone WELL fed. She sat with me over a beer and explained how many things she wished she could have asked my grandmother about cooking before she passed. It�s important to her to teach each and every one of us who care to listen how to carry on the family dishes. I plan on spending as much time with her as I can next year.
And there�s so much more. I�m not going to get it all typed out, but I have more confidence in myself and my path now. I try to remain clear at all times, and quite a bit of fog has been lifted in this past week. I�d received a few more invites from my cousins, which I�m sure I will take up in the coming months.
Especially the trip to Vegas on Tuesday. I wouldn�t pass up seeing my cousin get married in Vegas for anything in the world. His older brother was reading over a stupid how to win at craps book. Think I�ll follow him around for a bit out there to see if he actually picked anything up.
There's also rumor that we're doing the reunion in Mexico in 2 years... I'm speechless in excitement.
Ok, I have 2 days to get some work done, before 3 days of debauchery in Vegas� Then 3 days of rest before I get back to making things happen.
I�ve tried to catch up on most of my reads around here, but y�all write quite a bit�