No Matter Where You Go

2005-12-19 1:28 a.m.
Just an odd night, I suppose. I don�t mind insomnia so much when I have shit to do and actually have the motivation to do it. The worst ends of insomnia are those when the world is a piece of shit and everything is pointless. Those are the ones where you end up either in really bad situations with strange people or miscellaneously trashed with no means of escape.

But no. I am motivated and have been for some time. I crashed for the 2nd and 3rd quarter of the Bears game (a true treat, one because the Bears are actually rockin shit and two because it�s rare to get to watch them out here due to the networks division of how games play and whatnot). It was so damned cold in the game that I actually dressed all layered up for my walk today and realized it was like 60 degrees and that I�d lose half my weight in sweat in 5 minutes�

So anyways� after my 20 minute nap during an incredible game (nap was from exhaustion of 16 hours of work, not by any means of a slow game), I sat through the rest of the game and hit the mattress hoping to catch a couple hours. No go. When my head starts wandering, I�m in for a journey.

I have shit to have done by morning and I�m getting 150% pay for it, but I was over-motivated. I�d burn out quick. Ok� walk to the bank to deposit a recent check it is. I wanted to wait til day cuz of the cute manager chick, but I have a few checks coming this week, so fuck it, opportunities abound and I need some fresh air.

Not a block from here, a crack head walks up, introduces himself and proceeds to walk with me about 7 blocks. I didn�t mind his company. Dude was mumbling something about finding his address book and that some chick with a shopping cart might have it. I pointed a couple out, but they weren�t the ones. It was oddly comfortable and comfortably odd to walk with dude with not more than 20 words between us.

�So you goin to your girl�s or something?�

�Na man, just wandering�

�You usually wander around at 11 at night?�

�Well.. not really.. usually like 3 am, but well.. I guess anytime. Do you generally wander silently with miscellaneous people?

�Ha no, just looking for my address book... So where you headed?�

�No where man. I�m not trying to put you off or nothin�, but I�m really not on shit. Probably gonna go sit around on the rocks (the beach)�

�No drugs or alcohol?�

�Na man, I�m soberin up a bit, I guess, but otherwise no��

And that was it� After a long quiet walk with the occasional mumbling from his side of the sidewalk, he was sufficiently disinterested, gave a pound and bounced. N brought up an interesting point yesterday that crackheads seem to get a strange respect around here. Big thing about locals and whatnot �round these parts. Makes little difference to me.

So after some wandering, I figured I�d head back and get to work. I stop in the bar for a quick one and� of course�

�Mark!! What up man!!�

Well damn. It figures that after over a half a year of hibernation and avoidance, I would walk into a bar I�ve gone to twice and the bartender would know me well enough to yell my damned name upon entrance.

No matter where you go, right?

�

I feel a little bad about avoiding the world lately, but still rather justified. I suppose I�m bored with things. Not people, just things. The night life thing� been old for years, just that my supplements of inebriation and intricate conversation have worn off. Most other things� just pretty disinterested for now. My work is teetering between just-a-job and a thing of passion, which is an odd balance�

I�ve been enjoying watching N get along in the new city� just as I enjoyed watching G. get along. Well, don�t get me wrong, I�m not enjoying it in any fucked up or weird way. Rather, some of my thoughts from first leaving home that I couldn�t quite verbalize are becoming topics of discussion� When I left, all the people I WOULD relate to were in Chicago �pissing on the steps� (sweet lil meta, what the HELL you know about the funky homosapien??) for leaving and the new people were� well... new yorkers. N and I had a conversation about local infamy and whatnot as he�s not used to being so generally accepted on a day-to-day.

�I�m gonna have to burn someplace down or choke some miscellaneous motha fucker out here just to get noticed�

I recall having similar reactions to the new surroundings when I left the midwest. It was odd to walk into a party, bar or club without recognizing someone or being recognized by someone who I smoked with some miscellaneous night I�d never remember. I hated it at first, but it opened my eyes quite a bit. In the same respect, I can definitely understand one not wanting to be opened up in such a way. Local infamy, especially the way Chicago works, is a hard thing to leave behind. Small town and big city all in one� the gift and the curse.

But I�m finding myself in need of broadening further. After going through about half the states and a lot of the major cities in this country, it�s time for me to see life elsewhere. I�m far too jaded otherwise. Too arrogant. Too unimpressed. Too fucking bored.

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Yo, I�m sorry I didn�t make it out for your birthday. I know, we�re kinda like aliens out here sans transportion. Hope y�all had fun.

And if you want something TRULY worth reading� (hope you�re ok).

And um� oh got some new readers and quite a few emails and whatnot about wanting updates which is always cool. Welcome. Enjoy� and unlock your shit or give me the password so I can return the favor of prying� As for updates� well you don�t want me to start making up shit, do you?