Rat Heaven

2007-02-02 6:39 p.m.
I've seen, done, been around or have somehow been a part of some very disgusting things in my time. As for this year, though I know it's early, I'm hoping this won't be topped.

I was supposed to leave for Chicago this morning. Waaay too much work to do. I figured I'd just go standby tomorrow morning or something, but after 8 hours of punching away, I'm barely a couple steps closer to this towards the distant goal of completion.

The realization hit me at around 4pm. I made the dissappointed/ing calls to Chicago to cancel all plans (was gonna be a busy weekend), sat back for my first break in 3 days and decided it was time to clean this fucking place.

Not the little sweep and shift I've been doing since I got here, but some real cleaning.

Now, before I lend example to this mess... My first 2 - 3 months back here, I did Nothing but work about 6 - 10 hours a week and was out consistently otherwise. Drinking, reading, wandering, dating, whatever. Just out.

And in the past month I've decided to finally settle the fuck down and get work done, so I've been out about once a week (if even) and at this desk or on my couch for short naps and breaks.

So... No Time to clean this place. When I first got here, I completely scrubbed down and sanitized the bedroom from the old roommate so I could move my bedroom in. This means, scrubbing the corners with a hard brush, cleaning in and around the radiator, hands and knees making sure the floor is practically new, even cleaning the dust out of paint clumps and cracks so they're hardly noticeable. I pretty much let the rest of the apartment be.

When my furniture got here, I was in a hurry for one reason or another, so I only had time to scrub the floor and move my boxes out of the way.

The walls are still dirty (can see the outlines of postcards I took down from the wall 2 years ago). Kitchen and bathroom are as disgusting as they were when I arrived.

Examples... Well, bathroom is so-so. Tub could use a scrub, which I've tried, but it seems I'm going to have to get industrial.

But the kitchen. There are Literally grease stains and Hair covering the whole bottom shelf in the refrigerator. You read that shit correctly. Grease. Stains. Hair.

Not my hair, mind you.

The stains are likely from food that rotted and leaked. It's so bad that when I had that lawyer chick over a couple months ago (who was very understanding about my mess due to my just moving in), went to the fridge for soda. I jumped over 2 garbage cans and bounced off the wall to get in front of her.

"Nothing in there, and if you open that door, I promise you'll leave within 5 minutes."

Yes, I am Very good at ignoring things. A true master. But I even occasionally cringe when I look in there. I just don't use that shelf.

But that's not the worst part. Close, but no. The worst is below the sink. The cabinet below the sink is (well, was) taped shut. I'd forgotten what was in there.

About a year before I left we had a serious rat problem in the building. Everybody was dealing and being on the 1st floor made it worst. Pretty sure I gave away those funny stories on here back then.

Well, the rats and roaches ended up taking over beneath the sink. I was busy and drunk and my roommates were worthless (yes I love them, yes they were). Anytime you opened the cabinet something would run or hop or scatter or scuttle by. It was bad. T taped it shut and it's been that way since (going on 3 - 4 years?).

So today, I decide it's time to take care of business. I clean out the closet (6 super sized garbage bags) and put up shelves and then go to tackle the sink cabinet.

There were bowls and little pans about a Quarter Full of rat shit. Everything was sticky. Dried up roach traps, roach eggs and rat shit Everywhere. I didn't even consider salvage - everything straight to the garbage (another 6 bags full). Pans, plates, cups, glasses and some weird abdominal exercise thing T insisted on dragging into this place long ago.

I found 5 dead little rats in there. This HAD to be heaven for them. I found one laying in a pile of its own shit on top of a eaten through cup-o-soup package. That mothafucker literally died eating and shitting himself. It's the american dream come true, right beneath my sink.

12 garbage bags later, my kitchen is mostly done. It's a 4 year old task, long overdue. I still have to get in touch with the landlord to redo the place - they're putting up new cabinets and a counter (I have NO counter space - not "a little" - NONE).

Tomorrow - bathroom, put up some shelves and scrub these damned walls.

I'm a bit saddened that I didn't make it to Chicago; the city's gonna go ape shit when the Bears win on Sunday. But i needed to get things done - and apparently I'd other things to accomplish as well.

So... I'll probably work myself to sleep tonight, clean up some more tomorrow, get some more work done, hang with VG a bit and Sunday... Super Bowl party. A close second for what-to-do this weekend.

Go Bears.