Spring Cleaning
2007-03-22 6:01 a.m.
You know those things around your place, your job, your life, etc that aren't a huge deal but should be handled... The kind of things you can get used to, but would be better to not exist. The kind of things where you think about the effort to solve the problem and decide your time is more valuable...It differs for most. Depending on how you look at things, 'what you can get used to' might be the clanging of your engine while your car dies a painful and horrific death or that weird gassy smell every time you turn on the oven.
Of course, most of them aren't that serious (hopefully). Squeaky doors, and floor boards, a cracked window, a missed spot when you shave, a well deserved apology for a trivial matter, a leaky faucet, that dust on the top of the molding that adjoins the wall to the floor, etc.
It's my opinion that too many of these little things can become enormous if too many add up. We learn to ignore them and put them in the perpetual 'later' bin, and some day when everything goes to shit those little things are going to sink the whole fucking ship.
Fired from work, girl leaves, empty wallet, lost atm card, banks closed, out of booze with one cigarette left broken at the filter. You'll slam the door off the hinge to avoid the squeak, you'll break the cracked mirror, you'll piss on the dusty floorboards, You'll sit in the shower with your clothes on because otherwise the dripping will drive you mad... Essentially you'll go ape shit over the little things and make them big things.
Point being that it's a good idea to take care of the little shit once in a while. I suppose that's what 'spring cleaning' is supposed to be. It makes you feel a little lighter.
I did a lot of this shit a month ago. Oiled the hinges on the doors (Man what a fucking difference), cleaned out some closets and cabinets, replaced light fixtures, whatever...
I have a mirrored cabinet in my bathroom (surprising I'm sure - what I REALLY need to do is get a taller mirror, since when standing straight I can only see up to the bottom of my neck, but that's staying on the 'later' list for a long time). The latch is magnetic and the metal piece fell off the door so now while contorting to shave or wash my face or look myself in the eye and proclaim myself the King of the Mashed Potato People, I have to close it and hope it stays, which takes a few delicate efforts or hold it shut.
I don't look in the mirror enough to give a damn, but while tidying up a bit, I looked on my shelf next to the mirror and saw the lonely little metal piece just waiting to go home and do what it was meant to do.
What the hell? I think to myself... 3 minute job, no big deal. I grab a screwdriver to scrape the old adhesive and some crazy glue.
Krazy glue terrifies me. I know myself too well. It hasn't happened yet (though i've come close hundreds of times as a kid), but every time I grab the crazy glue and pull the stupid red pin out of the tube, I picture myself sticking something to something I don't want stuck. 2 fingers together, sure, but not so bad as say... cock to leg or face to floor.
So, ready but careful... Scrape scrape, pull pin, squeeze, stick, hold, shut the door. Fuck.
The habit's built in. Just as you reach to flush the toilet after you stand from sitting on it, even if you weren't using it. Every time I see the door open, I instinctively ease it shut.
I knew it immediately. I even got to see the stupid look on my own face at the realization. Hopeful, but doubtful, I opened the door to see exactly what I expected. The metal piece stuck to the latch, while unstuck from the door. Of course, now I have to try to grab the piece while doing my Very Best to keep the terrifying substance from getting on my fingers which is impossible.
So why take the time to write this? To remind myself of my own relentless stupidity. I did it 4 more times!!!! Four Fucking Times, I shut the cabinet door as I walked out of the bathroom realizing the retarded mistake and then having to look at myself during said realization.
At least I don't have any ridiculous habits like slapping my forehead or running my fingers through my hair when I do something stupid. Otherwise, I'd be typing this with one hand or possibly at the hospital trying to get my hand unglued from my face.
So, 20 minutes later, a bit frustrated, trying my best not to touch my hardened finger tips together for a few minutes, I finally did the job and successfully left the door open to allow it to adhere.
I gotta start paying more attention to shit. If at least to maintain the sensation in my finger tips. I'm also the type to consistently have a blister at the top of my mouth for impatiently eating hot food - I'm pretty sure that's somehow related.
Damned krazy glue, why must you be so crazy!?
Oh... right, the final solution? Clear tape. The glue still didn't cut it after leaving it for a bit. I eventually realized that the metal and the magnet don't have to actually touch to do what they do so well. Would have preferred duct tape because it's just better that way, but all I had was clear packing tape. Which solved the problem perfectly.