Tactless
2004-04-23 2:42 a.m.
Tact is 10%.
Well, a lack of 10 percent actually. Tact is about 90% of the truth given, with 10% silence�
When I went to my mother's graduation party before I left Chicago , she just got done apologizing in front of about 150 people for not being around much for me while in school. I'd never been so proud of her, deciding to start over in her mid thirties, she had her masters in her early forties.
Then she announced how proud she was of me that I'd be heading to New York City . 10 minutes after the hugs and tears my aunt and uncle came to my table. They asked why I never came over to their big fat house in the suburbs anymore, which I used to frequent while mom was introducing ends to one another.
My response was a simple, �I don't know� with a shrug. That is tact. The response that I left behind my lips was something more to the tune of, �Well, remember that day when my cousin a.k.a. your spoiled ass daughter called me a spic? Remember when instead of giving an inkling of an idea that saying such a thing was wrong, you instead defended her? Well, that would be why, you rich old hag.� That's about 10%.
A couple months back when a friend, in a conversation about his sneaker buying habit, was explaining how he deals with inquiries, he explained something like this (paraphrasing): �Well when somebody asks me where I got them, I can tell they probably won't ever go to [whatever country I got them from] to get a pair for themselves, so I just choose to shrug and mention some miscellaneous local store.�
Tact would have been to laugh along, take another sip. I didn't. I told him that it's a pretty stuck up prejudgment. That 10% may be one of the predominant reasons why he doesn't talk to me anymore.
When my boy A. asks me what I think of his new beat, or when R. asks me what I think about the artist he's managing (and since A. is producing R's artist, those question are in tune this time), I tell them. She seems to sing well, but your beat is overpowering her. It's a decent beat, but it has no business sharing a track with her voice, etc, etc.
And when my girl finishes a painting, all her friends tell her how great and fantastic it is. I tell her about the misproportion of the forearm to the waist, or the unevenness of the breast. Guess which response is more helpful. She's actually the most talented artist I know, and in my opinion, she deserves far more than a cute lil lie about something she's spent her entire life perfecting.
Don't get me wrong, I complement my girl well and VERY often. That's the other side of the 10%. I don't hesitate to say something nice. If I can't get over how beautiful you are, I make sure you know. If you've just made my day with the sweetest gesture, you're going to be the first to know. Absolute honesty DOES have it's positive end.
I used to be the king of tact. And therefore I know it incredibly well. I used to be able to pay compliment to the ugliest of outfits with something positive. I used to be the bright side of every situation, simply with a 10% effort. My silence and my choice of words would butter anyone's toast. The women I knew LOVED that 10%. And that was the biggest thing I noticed.
Tact helped me become a great writer. It helped me surround myself with female friends. And since it's not lying, the stress of lying wasn't included. Well, only about 10% worth of stress.
And of course, when I'm single again, I'm sure I'll be tactful and careful. Once again, my words will be chosen wisely. Once again, I'll have many female friends who like to talk to me because of my voice and because I always know exactly what to say, and exactly what not to say.
Tact is probably the hardest 10 percent to shed or attach at will. The truth is generally the easiest route overall, but to give more than 90% of the truth to someone is considered mean. It's considered to be without class. It's why I don't like asking for people's opinion. I know that 10% all to well. And besides that, I've seen that percentage to be far higher in most people. I really hate that we're more comfortable when we lie to each other. Always have.
And regardless of how good I've always been able to manage my tact, I honestly believe it's far nobler, and in the end far more respectful to another human being to give 100%.