The Board
2006-04-20 4:12 a.m.
I�ve had the conversation a few times (with others) about what people call themselves when thinking. Usually �I� or �hey�, sometimes �you�. Personally, it�s �we.� I consider myself as two people when in conversation with myself: Me and the voice in my head. Actually there can be many voices at times (I�ll get to that in a minute).So when questioning an action or digging the mental crates, I usually ask myself �What do you think?� and then� �hmm� well�� and answer or at least begin the discussion of the subject with myself. Once at a conclusion, I then refer to �we� and �us�.
I do very well not giving light to this in normal conversation. Come to think of it, I don�t think it�s ever come out that way in the presence of another. I�m not sure I�ve ever even SAID �we� when referring to myself aloud � even in private. It�s only reserved for the internal conversation. Not specifically on purpose, mind you - just the way I�ve been.
My favorite reference to this idea was brought up by T a couple years ago. She was watching Batman Beyond and it was something or other about mind control with a transmitter by Bruce�s ear or whatever. In the end, someone asks how he knew it was someone else saying these things and not him thinking them. He replied that when thinking, he refers to himself as �Batman.� That is probably my favorite thing ever said. Anywhere. Ever.
A strange thing I noticed is that I�ll have internal conversations with other people all the time. Now, I don�t just mean things like planning an argument (which is the perfect practice of futility as they NEVER go the way they did in your head. Not. Ever.), because, well I do that ALL the time, but I think everybody does to some extent.
I mean that I�ll have day-to-day conversations with friends all the time. For instance, I�ve been getting hives on my arms lately (probably from the mold in the corner of my room, but not your concern) and finally, at 3 this morning, decided that since I�ve no time to clean the mold at this very moment that I�ll give in and grab some allergy medicine at the store.
Plain and simple enough. I know very well N. is sleeping, and it�s not likely he would have allergy medicine as although he has allergies, he doesn�t seem the medicine type. So why in the hell� in my head, mind you�
�Yo N, you wouldn�t happen to have allergy medicine by chance would you?�
�Yeah I didn�t think you would. Fuck it, want anything from the store?�
No, there weren�t responses, though maybe a sense of the idea behind the response. Again, this was completely internal. Externally, I was quietly putting on pants. N. is asleep in his room, a wall away. I know damn well I�ll never ask him, because I�m going to the store as soon as I post this, so why, oh why, am I having this conversation with him?
Odd thing. I�m not embarrassed of it or feel it needs to be cured by any means. It�s just something I re-noticed.
I have conversations with other people in my head all the damn time. Not by force, it just happens. Regardless of how busy I am or what the subject matter, suddenly the other end of the conversation is someone I know, someone other than me, and generally someone not in my presence.
Actually, I tend to realize a person's 'good friend' status when I find myself talking to them sans presence. It's the point when you both know someone well enough to have a general idea of their response and are comfortable enough with them to ask them about the asinine bullshit that pops into your head throuhout the day.
All these people are in my head as my own personal board of advisors.