Aparment Fucking

2001-08-07 5:30 a.m.

Just trying some new shit... Always wanted to make the window things. I hope they dont get too annoying...

So I've been dealing with moving the fuck out of Staten Island and into the ever so wonderful Brooklyn. This has been the most tragic, annoying, disgusting, depressing experience i can imagine. In the end funny, and exhausting...

July 1st...

P: Yo Tac!! Me and CT are gonna come out there for sure! Lets find an ill loft with mad space so i can set up my studio and it'll all come together. I should be there by the end of August.

C: Tac, let's find a place that's huge and really close to Manhatten. I have a lot of money and so does PR, and you should be able to keep up so lets do this for Aug 1.

July 8th...

Tac: Yo, I found this insane loft. It's huge with a huge back porch, all concrete, easy to clean, all hard wood floors, new kitchen, blah blah blah... right next to the Williamsburg bridge, blah, blah, blah... 5 minutes to Union Square, blah, blah, blah.

C: Well, I can't get a hold of PR. But someone told me he's not coming. I'll find out more this weekend.

July 10th.

C: He's not coming.

Tac: Well, I'll find an ill place for the two of us. We'll both put in a little more. I'll raise my limit, you raise yours and well get an ill spot.

C: Tac, let's find a place that's huge and really close to Manhatten. I have a lot of money, and you should be able to keep up so lets do this for Aug 1.

Searching, brokers, Village Voice, Loot, villagevoice.com, nytimes.com, New York Times, Daily News, Post Boards, Lofts, Williamsburg, Studios, 1BR, 2BR, 1.5 Bath, 3 BR, 4 BR, Duplex, 2 Bath, Roof Access, Back Yard... Back Yard?!?!?

July 20th.

C: I'm glad I came out there. So let's get that one place that'll cost just a bit too much, but it's in a dope area and i'm not afraid to bring chicks to it. And being that I've grown up a rich kid with a hefty Rap collection I know which neighborhoods we should stay away from, so trust me. I know you lived in NY for 2 years, but I know my rap songs.

Tac: Well, I'll find an ill place for the two of us. We'll both put in a little more. I'll raise my limit, you raise yours and well get an ill spot.

C: Tac, let's find a place that's huge and really close to Manhatten. I have a lot of money, and you should be able to keep up so lets do this for Aug 1.

That's not a yard!!! 5th floor walk up, frieght elevator, Video security, Intercoms, Doorbells, Doormen, Brownstone, Visible brick interior, Hardwood, Carpeted, Sublets, Shares, Southern Exposure, Cable Ready, Close to tranportation, 15 Minutes to Manhatten!!! Spacious, Cozy, Brokers Fee, Application Fee, Signing Fee, First Month's Rent, Last Month's Rent, Security Deposit, Deposit, Credit Check Fee, Credit Check, Gurantor...

July 24th.

C: Sorry Tac, It looks like I'm not going to make it to NY. Since I have All this money to spend now, can you hook me up with that guy that you said can get laptops.

Tac: CT, You should be glad my tolerance for forgiveness is much higher than it should be. Here's the number....

July 25th.

Tac: Yes Ms. Landlord, I know I said I'd be out by the first, but so much shit has happened. I know it's not your problem, but it is mine. And being that I'm your tenent, my problem will become your problem. I'm glad you feel I'm a great tenent, so help me out here.

Later..

Broker: Yeah, everything you want done. Clean the carpet? Surre!!! Repaint the dingy walls!? Of course!! Need a refrigerator? Who could live without one?? Just give us the money for tha apartment, and then pay me for all these promises I'm making you. Oh, you're moving in on Saturday?? No problem. It'll all be done.

July 28th.

Tac: Thanks for the truck!!

Later..

Ms. Landlord: It was great having ya!!!

Later...

Current Roomate: Damn, yo... I tried carrying some shit in to your new place from this here truck, but when I walked in the door fell off. I'm not bullshitting, right off the hinge...

Tac (after going up to see the place): Damn, yo. I told this cat to repaint this shit. I need a refrigerator. What the fuck is up with these black stains on the carpet?!?!

Ms. Landlord: Sure you can come back. No sorry, I can't do month to month. You're just going to have to sign a new lease. I know you're almost homeless, so just pay another month of rent and we'll see what I can do for ya. But that's the best I can give ya. Well, what kind of security is month-to-month? I can't rent an apartment out after September, blah, blah, blah...

Living out of boxes, taking loans from friends, making calls, cancelling utilities, threatening court, recieving my money back, tired, making up for days taken off from work, dealing with a neglected girlfriend, and a neglected roomate, and a business woman / shark of a sweet old lady landlord, and trying to get money back from here and here and here, and phone calls from landlords who want me to move in to places for 2 or 3 people, but no for one person, and the ones who do call me for places for one person are calling from shit holes, but they like me and they like the fact that i grew up in shitty neighborhoods, so i dont mind the bullshit involved with living in another one. Can't find any good clothes, and the money's all gone and the people are asking for their loans back and im partially homeless and my girl's best friend is evicted so now my couch is full, and my roomate is leaving NY and I'm convincing him to stay to help me move, and my customers need work done, but their web sites are in a box right between the one with all my magzines and the one with my yearbooks and all the stuffed animals i recieved from the last 10 years worth of girlfriends, and i can't get paid for work i can't do, I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm sobering after the first drink i've had in almost a month.

August 3rd...

Tac: I love this place. I can afford it. 20 minutes to work ,door-to-door. plenty of room, ill neighborhood, heart of Brooklyn, where do I sign.

Owner: Well, I'm glad you like it. Di you say you've been in your job for 4 years? And your apartment for 2 years? And you've been paying more there than you are here? And Your landlord loves you? And your manager loves you? Are you sure you are in a stable enough position to have this apartment? Can you get a Gurantor?

Later...

Ms. Landlord: Well Tac, It'll be hard to let you go. you're a great tenent, blah, blah, blah... If this one falls through I'd like you to sign, blah blah, blah...

August 7th.

Tac: New York City apartment hunting licks british nuts...

That's where I'm at so far. I still need to find out if I get this apartment that I really really really really really want. If i do, it'll be nice, If I don't, Then I'm stuck in this palace in this god forsaken city dump (Shaolin)...

Oh, I got a lot of fun feedback from my post a couple of posts ago. A lot of wigger shit, some "right on man's" and some other shit. I guess some people could relate. Or at least they claimed to. So thanks for reading my shit.

Check out La-La's redesign. I think it's pretty ill. And La, I hate frames, but I'll see what I can do about scrounging up a little tutorial for you.

Peace and Love...