Drunk, Day 2

2005-08-06 12:46 p.m.
I�m debating my need for a shower. Last I showered, I was 2 time zones away� and I think that was in the morning. There�s something strangely romantic about a 3 day binge sans shower. It adds a dramatic � er� scent to it all.

It�s not that I�m too lazy or too incoherent, as I�m only a lil buzzed for the moment. I�m just maintaining, really as I have shit to do that I can�t be obliterated for. Besides, I need to be sober enough to think and drink, while drunk enough to ignore the world.

�When�s the last time you binged?�

�About a week ago.�

G never lets me down� The Ralph�s employee looked away slightly embarrassed as he was unlocking the liquor cabinet for the weekend�s poison. I�m gonna make some stickers for liquor bottles. They�ll just be black with a skull and crossbones on them, and I�ll paste them over the labels.

I�ve gotten a few phone calls since I�ve returned. Offers for dinners and drinks and whatnot from new friends, new business acquaintances and a friend who�ll be in town next week.

I�ve actually been pretty antisocial since I left New York� scratch that, since a couple weeks before I left, but I kept that on the DL since I had some farewell�s to bid.

Of the two people I actually give a damn to speak with, one�s asleep and I�m not really supposed to speak to the other. I get excited when she gets a call on my phone, just so I can break our agreed upon silence and pass the message.

I�m actually not as broken as I�m making myself out to be, though the occasional moment gets stuck in my throat. I don�t have the usual inherent need for a drink on a hard day. My thoughts are very clear.

But I don�t want to be clear. I don�t want to understand why things are what they are, and in some ways I still don�t, but not in any way that makes any difference. Instead of drinking the pain away, my poison is my welcome mat. Every glass is filled with precious pain on the rocks, poured from a bottle of tears guiding me as I stumble from room to room finding miscellaneous shit to squeeze my head through.

I probably should take a shower though.