Happy New Beer!!!!

2002-01-04 2:29 a.m.
I had a realization on Tuesday (Jan One), as i was walking to the corner store for some water and Tylenol for me and the girl who sleeps next to me. I didn't need it as bad as she did, which is why i was the one who had to go.

Anyways, I had noticed that in the past month or so, I've had at least six people tell me that I was sent for them, or that I was their knight or savior. These people are ranging from a homeless stranger (to whom I replied... "Who the fuck are you, and why the fuck would someone send me for you?"), who i had coffee with to the girl who sleeps next to me.

So.. I figure that either the world is going to absolute shit. Or it's just a great way to start a new year.

I am constantly reminded that I lack my popularity. Not that I was mr big shot or anything... But on New Years Eve, for instance. I went down my cell phone storage list, as i do on holidays, and it took me 45 minutes to make all those half minute phone calls.

About 90% of those were in Chicago. I heard many different voices that night. The voice of warmth from the people who were at home with their families. The voice of happiness from those at bars and parties. The voice of gratitude or solitude from those who were hoping to hear from SOMEBODY for the holidays... And although I was surrounded by people, I felt closest to the latter of the three.

I was with Trini, and the guy who I consider(ed) a good friend here in NY, his wife, and his friends. I was entertaining Trini, cuz she's 20. So options were slightly tight. Well, we spent new years in a half assed bar, and ended up at some preppy ass party in Williamsburg.

I will admit, it wasn't TOO bad... live band, decent DJ spinning trance and house, Free liquor... But I still get uncomfortable at "white boy" parties. (Yes, I'm half white and proud of my entire liniage.. dark and light) I always feel a fight coming on from some over-abrasive big shot, too rich, too arrogant white boy who's never REALLY fought before.

Unfortunately, the only bullshit I ran in to was my boy offering to let the girl I brought watch him masterbate. He also offered for her to watch him fuck his wife. Now, I'm not sure if you know, but i'm PICKY when it comes to people. I LOVE EVERYONE... but I'm picky with those I come close to.

Rule number one... And this comes from waaaaay too much experience from dating beautiful women. One does NOT offer anything involving his own penis to his boy's female guest (Unless, that's why she's there). But as far as this guy knows... she's MY GIRL... And even if she wasn't , what kind of disrespectful bullshit is that?!?!

If it were in my city, he would be bloody, hurting, and socially abandoned. It would be on the airwaves by now, and he'd be every host's punchline at the hip hop spots... But this is not my city, and I am not what I was. So now, I have to talk it out with this shithead.

I've still yet to head over there. Anyways, to my point. I can't seem to get into a decent crowd in NYC. It's been 2 and a half years, god damnit. Maybe it's my unwillingness to compromise myself for a community, but damn.

The people I'm the very closest to in NY, I've never met in person. Which is REALLY annoying. I know a few people... but I'm looking for those one's you'd take a bullet for. The one's who you'd give a leg to on the top of a mountain in your dying moments. Trini is the only one worth her salt and she's WAAAAAAAAAAY too attached. She's extraordinarily sweet, but things get a bit crowded at times (recent arguement)...

So, I've got a couple resolutions...

No more fast food... Started cooking... Be creative... Have maaad fun... Start spinning again... deal with my current personal situation... and um... Keep drinking and smoking.

Oh, and finally.. although this isn't a resolution, it's just what I do... rebuild burnt bridges, and strengthen the rest of em. I love to love people.

You have no idea what I'd do for some cookies right now...