Taciturn - About Damned Time

About Damned Time

2003-04-18 10:22 a.m.

For the first time in a long time, Iďż˝ve had a great week. I havenďż˝t written much, or been very social for that matter lately due to just plain being down. And when Iďż˝m not down, the people around me know exactly how to bring me there. I was on the train the other day remembering that 2 years ago, I would actually wake up like:

ďż˝Fuckďż˝ did I drink that hundred or lose it?ďż˝

That was the first time I had good money legitimately. I mean I actually made that money without any hustle, with no need to check my shoulder, no worries about fucked up phone calls, none of it. I came to this dirty ass city to clean the fuck up.

So finally after over a year of just plain broke, my break begins. I think I got a job. Nothing spectacular, but theyďż˝re starting me at an OK wage. AND the big one, I got a very nice contract with a government group doing a literary project. So, once I start that one, my debts are paid. Discover, School, Laptop, Desktop, billsďż˝ done. I will have finally paid off mad records, dinners, parties, etc from about 6 years ago.

So now itďż˝s just a matter of patience and then good work. Once thatďż˝s over, Iďż˝m going on a couple vacations. Gotta see the fam. Gotta head out west for a minute to test the waters. Gotta head down south for a minute to say hello to a good friend in Miami.

Now, Iďż˝m not obviously happy at the moment. Youďż˝d have to read this to know it. Not that Iďż˝m moping around, but in order to maintain patience, I donďż˝t get excited ďż˝til ALL is well.

But in the back of my headďż˝ damn. I mean the way to truly know is just to watch a dream or two. I mean, spring is coming (damn yo ďż˝ 85 for one day, back to 45 the next ďż˝ like sticking the head in and not getting to count to ten). And then the good news (as stated above). Iďż˝m having dreams that would make the latest rap video directors blush. (Seen that joint with Pharell and Snoop? I. mean. damn.)

Anyways, itďż˝s nothing like that. Itďż˝s usually one woman, and nobody you would know unless you know me. Usually an ex girlfriend, an old friend, an old kick I never got to, and some that I did. And itďż˝s just 36 hours of pleasure and servitude. Whipped creams, oils, strawberries, massages, rubs, licking, craving, stare downs and body searches, every room, every way with conversations and naps in between it all.

I mean we all get morning bone, but damn.

And then I get up, make some coffee, store all those thoughts in the back of my head for later. If it was really good, Iďż˝ll email or call olďż˝ girl just to say hi. Well the ones who will still talk to me for that matter, which is about 80% of em. I mean the things depicted in these thoughts are enough to make any man truly emotional.

So yes, good dreams, teasing weather, plans of debt free life with trips and fun. Finallyďż˝ Fi ďż˝ nal ďż˝ fucking ďż˝ ly, this year has begun to look a lil brighter. Now I just need to learn how to dance and lose about 15 lbs. Oh and tone up a bit. And a tan could do. Youďż˝ll never hear that shit leave my mouth as theyďż˝re mostly an afterthought.

Itďż˝s really nice to have to worry about silly shit again.

Oh, before you go, stop by and tell her than you hope sheďż˝s feeling betterďż˝ Silly girl ate really cheap raw fish and wondered why she ended up in the hospital. And go wish her a good pre-birthday.