Price Of Admission
2008-01-08 11:50 p.m.
How many times do you deal with jealousy before it's time to call it quits?When I was younger and far more jealous, this question didn't exist. I was far too jealous to contemplate such a thing.
But now. A decade later, my jealousy has gone to the same place as writing on walls and Cross Color Jeans. I look at what I have - a perfect relationship torn by a woman jealous of one of my friendships and I have to ask myself: "Is it worth it?" Well if "it" is avoiding a friend I've had for half my life (who now lives next door), then abso-fucking-lutely not. If "it" is waiting and hoping she gets over herself, then maybe. And it's been a half a year of "maybe" - worsened by recent events. "she" just moved in, next door, this past weekend.
But that adds brush strokes to this masterpiece of a question. How long do I wait? How long do I stand by, accused as a liar? That is the basis of mistrust. When someone mistrusts you, they are non-chalantly calling you a liar. They are saying, I trust you - to a point. Or the more sly "I trust you, but not her." Well, if you trust me, who gives a fuck what she does? That trust should stand upon an ivory pedestal screaming "HE WOULD NEVER!" And if it doesn't, you don't quite understand the meaning.
She doesn't trust me. It's hidden in a place she can't even quite find. That's the skeleton of the beast. She KNOWS that if I had the chance I would be with her. There's no fact in this claim, it's just what she knows. The world has given her a tough ride and her cynicism refuses to believe I would turn another woman down.
I've no patience for this. What good is a relationship without trust? None. Not even worth the walk to the admission booth.