Amazed

2004-06-30 5:12 p.m.
You know, it amazes me sometimes that people actually read this. What amazes me more is that people retain what they gather from this. And the fun part� The nasty responses.

My last admission to a life of hidden geekdom got a far more positive response than usual. This is, of course, welcomed and appreciated. I got a couple very sweet emails telling me not to be so hard on myself (which I wasn�t, just the opposite actually, it was a moment of pride). One other admitting to sharing an esteemed position in the palace of geekdom.

The positive response is a bit unexpected. I�m far more used to some fire spewed in my direction about my poor spelling and my obscene thoughts directed towards life, death and debauchery. The idea of someone becoming so emotional about my unedited thought process that they write a vulgar letter to an absolute stranger intrigues me to no end. Of course the �nice� email makes me far more comfortable, but the hate mail reminds me that I�m actually saying something worth saying.

I�ve been doing my best to squeeze 4 weeks of work into 10 days, and although I�m doing well in this endeavor, my eyes had stabbed into my head in an attempt at intellectual suicide, most likely hoping to cut off enough blood from my brain to make me stop working. So, while staring into oblivion, zoning out after 26 hours of coding, I got an IM. It was from K, my incredibly bitter Chinese friend from Chicago (currently in LA).

K. You busy?

Me. eh.

K. I got something for ya�.

Me. Word? Whatcha got?

Suddenly a chat window opens with 5 people I haven�t talked to since high school. It was absolute perfect timing. It was 2 minutes after the point my head decided it was far too overloaded with code to interpret even one more line. The IM interrupted a strange daze glaring in that area between my monitor and my keyboard, watching the shadows dance from the wind and my bamboo plant.

We did some catching up for about an hour and after that perfectly timed conversation, I couldn�t even consider getting back to work. I was DONE for the day. So I called R. and invited him out for a drink. He got his results from his doctor claiming his liver was good, so he couldn�t wait for a drink, and I agreed with the sentiment.

4 hours after we�d left sobriety, S. decided to ask me about religion. She knew my response would be more than a grunt and a nod. She knew what she was getting in to. She�s 35 and she�s well experienced with men. She obviously knows how to flip a switch. And anyone who has shared an intoxicated moment with me knows that big subjects receive big disputes. Fuck a cookie cutter.

I won�t get into the details, as most are pretty hazy. One point that stands out is S. yelling �How could you possibly say you look FORWARD to death?!� loud enough for New Jersey to hear.

I don�t generally get embarrassed by �the night before�. I�ve learned such embarrassments are pointless. The feeling still echoes a bit as I recall the subjects or the points made at incredibly high decibels. Especially in the moments when I�m arguing a side I don�t even agree with. But all in all, there�s never a reason to be ashamed of your drunken evening. Just call everyone you�ve offended and get on with your day.

Oh, and my mom�s birthday is today. I think she�s 47. I called her and we talked about whatever for a while. Near the end of the conversation, I�d decided I needed to hook her and my dad up (his 56th birthday was a couple months ago). So I�m flying my parents out in August. I had to check with her first as they are good friends, but my dad gets weird with her sometimes. Hard to explain, but let�s just say a weekend together could be a lot of fun or an absolute disaster. No in-betweens, and no predictions.

So, I told her that I�d buy the plane tickets and they can take care of the hotel. So glad I thought of it. That allows them to handle their bullshit, and I can just pay for the plays, movies, dinners, etc. Can I just say that being able to do this is just a really fucking proud moment for me. Choked-up tear-in-the-eye type shit. I can�t wait.

Fuck, I can�t do shit today. No headache, but a hangover nonetheless. I can barely fucking see straight. I just spent the last 2 hours reading news and returning emails in a fit of procrastination. Think I�ll go play some Driv3r or some shit.