Bifocal
2007-11-08 5:35 a.m.
I'm dead drunk and haven't had a sip of booze all night. Long hours give me far heftier a swerve than my drinking habit. I've been looking upon the oceans of promises and plans trying to tread my way to some raft of accomplishment. I'm no longer as exhausted as I'd been in the last few years, but for the moment I'm pinned to an office chair through my shoulder blades by a mug full of caffeine and honey. I've a bifocal lens to the world.I told my girl I wasn't going to be much of a boyfriend when we started. I've too many things to do and too little priority to offer. She's dealt with it well thus far, and for that we've a drive to Montreal in our near future. We'll stroll hand in hand in winter coats and wander into cafes for warmth and Bukowski. She's a good women. One of the greatest. My humble half preaches undeserving while my capitalistic half reminds me to take what I can get.
And then there's the wondering and wandering for better things. Not sure it gets much better than her and I'm pretty sure that's meant a compliment - at least to her. I suppose a definition of 'better' would be needed, but it's hard to come by. We fit, though it might be a little easier if she weren't so sensitive. I'm not very good at, nor am I a fan of censoring myself.
The work is what it's been. Fun when it's fast and long when it's slow. I rarely have issue capturing the imagination of my peers, but provoking action can be far more difficult. Slaying top-heavy dragons is a scary business. Their resources are overwhelming.
My birthday was fun and quiet. Twelve friends, half of whom I've known half my life. Most of my closest local friends tend not to make my invites these days, which doesn't bother me much. Everyone comes around when they need to be around.
Being ready to move forward is one thing. Knowing which way is forward is quite another. She wants commitment. We want to travel. I want to wake up happier.