Gentleman
2006-10-21 12:23 a.m.
i don't specifically TRY to be a gentleman. It never even crosses my mind. I can credit my father a bit - as a kid, he used to flick me in the head when i was short on manners. mom always gets credit for most of my good traits. but i don't recall ever getting any sort of lesson in being a gentleman.no less, it's inherent to know how happy whomever I'm with happens to be. I'm enormously sensitive to it. And when I can't tell because the person's being evasive it actually makes me uncomfortable. Again, none of this is actually a thought process. Just natural reactions to those with whom i'm willing to share company.
I know people notice and know this about me. Not through compliment, but actually usually through complaint. Things like "will you stop doing all these nice things for me? just be natural!!" And my answer is always something similar to, "that's just the way I am" which is true. It is. There's no effort.
In fact, it's a serious effort for me to act otherwise. I actually appreciate when someone allows me to be kind as it leaves me at ease as myself.
But since it never comes up when it's not annoying the person I'm with, it never comes to mind. But I did get a nice reminder yesterday.
BB and I went to a blues bar as I've made it my recent mission to find an actual gritty blues bar with real blues music. It was on Bleeker so my expectations weren't high as is. And seriously, the place was too damned nice. Blues is supposed to be sad and gritty. Not plaid and pretty (it wasn't plaid i just liked how that sounded).
Strange paper mache-esque statues on the walls and ceiling, dimmed lighting, other classy things that just don't belong in a place that claims to be a blues bar.
A blues bar should have a wooden bar with splinters, old creaky seats and unattractive people dancing their asses off yelling and feelin it.
The guy playing was pretty good, though - so we stuck around.
And after a few drinks and plenty of conversation, BB stood up to go to the bathroom. I turned back to my drink and this adorable older couple to my left spoke up..
"Oh My, that was great!!"
"I'm sorry, uh.. excuse me?"
"you stood up when she did! That was amazing!"
"i- uh... "
I had to think about it. Did i? I looked down... Well, I am still standing, so I must have.
"well, I.. sup-... i suppose i did."
"you just never see that these days."
"well, I guess I'm surprised and humbled that you noticed. thank you!"
"even my husband noticed"
I looked to him and gave the universal guy-nod translating to "you know what the hell this lady's talking about?" he nodded back in affirmation:
"after 35 years married to her, how could i not?"
"35 years?! that's amazing! congratulations!!"
and we went on. by the time BB got back, we got to the occupations. he just finished stating that he was a trial lawyer. I'd immediately recognized that she was somehow uncomfortable with this. So I signaled for the check and we were gone soon after, wishing the lovely couple a nice evening.
She explained her deal about him being a trial lawyer and the conversation that would likely ensue as they learned what parts of law she's already lined up to dive into next year (big things). It just wasn't the conversation she wanted tonight (she was having a fairly ugly and stressful evening before I picked her up).
And we went on to another place, night carried on and all was well. I just thought it was kinda cool to be complemented by strangers in such a way. A couple cherries atop the delightful dessert of an evening.
And I get to see her again Saturday, so everyone who bet one-week, pay up. Not to me, I have to pay as well.
I'm completely fucking stuck on this one. She's got me.