Hawaii
2003-06-24 10:45 a.m.
So i realized something new about myself today. Nothing significat, but a bit funny nonetheless.. thought i'd share... more on that in a sec.So my latest dilemma is a good one to have. Whilehanging out at a public online forum i frequent, a web dev position in hawaii came up. I contacted the guy right away. It's a well paying gig to develop a personals site.
The company requires the developer to be on site and they want the candidate to nbe open to move out there very soon.
Some of you may have noticed, I'm pretty at ease about shedding attachments for such opportunities, but just as the move that got me posting this thing in the first place, it became a bit rough...
I live wit ha fantastic woman. Although we don't see eye to eye on a a LOT of things, we have an incredible relationship. I try to make it a point to not have it any other way. IT would be hard to leave this behind.
I finally have some people out here that I fully trust. It would be devestating to leave them on short notice as well.
On top of that, I've been talking to a friend (and possibly a second one) about moving out west pretty soon. He needs to get off the block, which was one of my reasons for breaking out of Chi, and I need warm weather all year.
I would be alienating that plan as well. I'm also due a trip home which people are starting to bug me about. If I weere to leave for hawaii in 3 weeks, I would have to renig on quite a bit.
But it's still a worthwhile move, imo.
So after a long nice of coding up iuntil about *AM (about 3 hours ago), I began to fall asleep watching my girl sleep. She woke up a lil bit before I knocked out and I softened up and shed a couple explaining that I may be leaving on short notice. She was more supportive about it than I expected.
I went to sleep a little more at ease.
So at 10:30 (half hour ago) the phone wakes me out of a really good sleep, and reazlizing it's most likely the gig I'm after, I answered and cleared up right away. Apologizing that I was jus waking from a long night.
And this phone conversation shed light on a fairly new habit of mine...
For the 2nd half of my teenage life and up until now, I've found myself in so many shitty and nerve wrecking situations that I've become the most calm peson in any situation. Ranging from staring down a drunk man with a weapon inteding ill, to dealing with crazed parents who don't quite have the full story, to dealing with planes colliding into buildings 5 blocks away, to dealing with crazed women who i've pissed off to no end. In all these situations, I've remained calm, with full control.
And it comes from a realization I had long ago that every single second changes your entire life. Every breath you take is a decision. Stay or go, stand, walks, sit or run, hit send, answer the phone, piss in the alley, talk or stay silent, lie or give only the important part of the truth, etc.
They all have the same weight in the long run. All equally imporntat, although some decisions become more lucrative at times according to the peanut gallery in one's head...
One of these hit me today, and in order to be 100% myself, calm and collect during a 20 minute phone interview, I did something I've only done once before. It's a small thing. I actaully grab my right arm at the joint right above my inner elbow, and lock my right arm to a bend to hold the phone to my ear.
And i'm locked so tightly that as soon as I turn off the phone and extend my arm, my entire right hand gets pins and needles. and I can't extend my arm fully. The muscle and blood flow is so tight, my forarm becomes a bit purple, and then red and it hurts like hell toextend my arm even half way.
I'm even having a hard time typing. It's incredible that I do it, as I've never had nervous habits before. this is the second time i've gone through this and only the first time I realized why im in so much pain.
Nonetheless, the phone call went incredibly well. The guy and I had a great conversation based on my talents and willingness to drop everything and move to hawaii. I was completely myself, which was great. And the vein in my inner elbow is throbbing blue.
So, I told the guy that I can do the job, but I'm really looking forward to moving to cali after testing and upload of the project. I've decided to stick to my promises to a select few people who I hold dear.
The guy told me he's really interested in hiring me and that he'll find out if they can still get me even though I only plan to move there temporarily.
The fact that the opportunity is still open and that I've stil kept my original intentions is incredible to me. This has made for a damned good morning.
Ok, enough rambling, hopefuly I can get back to sleep, and regain feeling in my right hand soon
Oh, and go wish her tons of luck on her interview this morning.
Good Luck La.