Math and God
2006-10-27 9:46 a.m.
i'd been cancelled on by 3 people i was really looking forward to seeing yesterday.-- 1 --
BB, too busy. I saw this one coming but was just as saddened. While shopping near her neighborhood earlier, I'd thought to try to stop by. I called. She's a mess - as usual. Stressed and behind. Sadly stating that she may not make it out tonight. This was unacceptable as I hadn't seen her in 4 - 5 days.
"Well, if I'm not going to see you tonight, let me stop by."
"No!"
"I'm in the neighborhood, but it'll still be a half an hour."
"No! My place is a mess, I'm a mess, I'm so behind..."
Allow me to pause for a moment to enlighten you, dear reader, upon a trait of this dear woman. She speaks incredibly quickly. Perfect undesrstatement. She fits more words than you could imagine into less time that you would think possible. Were it any other human being, I might be angered and annoyed. I definitely wouldn't be able to keep up. With her, somehow, it fits naturally. I don't have to say shit. She reminds me that I don't even have to keep up. But I do. Easily and enjoyably. So as I continue writing of this woman into the future, a lot of her quotes will have to be cut short.
"I understand. Just come down for 2 minutes. I don't have to see your place, just want to say hello"
"... I... no.. no no"
I looked around. Staples (she needed something.. right.. big hole punch). Stores (hmmmm). Street Vendors (hmmmm).
"Look, I got you something and -"
"no. no no no."
"B"
"i know, I'm being difficult. can't you give it to me later?"
"I don't want to carry this thing around later."
Yoink. Got'r.
"Fine."
I went into staples and got the biggest baddest hole punch they had. Mind you this wasn't meant to be the main atraction. Just more of a silly addition. The next 20 minutes was a disaster. Nothing good. Nothing good enough, anyways. Not even a decent t-shirt. hmmm. "Some lunch and a hole punch." just corny enough to be oddly sweet. Grabbed her a sandwich from a place i know she likes and called her down.
She's a mess, but you can't tell by looking at her. She snuggled up for a bit while I explained that I didn't mind that she was so busy and made claim upon whatever free time she might conjure in the coming weekend. Explained my gluttonous, selfish ways about other people's time - specifically hers. I did what I came to do: Cheered her up and saw her now as I was near positive I wouldn't see her later.
"I wouldn't want to carry this around either... thank you so much... my roommate yelled at me yesterday for not drinking any water... i do feel a little better now... i'm glad you stopped by." (with all kinds of other stuff in between)
An appreciative and sweet kiss goodbye. Time to head back home, catch a nap, do some work and get out for drinks later.
-- 2 --
SL, good friend and boyfriend to the beautiful ER (hooked them up before I left). I texted him about MB being in town and we were tentatively planning to meet up with him for a drink. I got home from my disasterous shopping day, knocked out and was awoken to his call. He was in the city and ready to get smashed. I was waking up and thinking I was going to do work and told him I needed a couple hours. I wasn't and didn't. Called him after my shower but he was already in Jersey.
-- 3 --
MB, a friend in my industry who's done more for my career than anyone besides myself. He's in town for work and a wedding and I haven't seen him in 3 years. MB's the perfect example of where I would be if I stuck this programming thing through for another 4 or 5 years. Managing a group of designers and developers, selling software, speaking to groups of programmers around the world. Interesting, but not my cup. Called a couple times. No answer.
-- floor --
As I was walking out, BB called as expected and sadly cancelled the evening. I left a couple extra oppotunities for her to call later should she choose to do so and wished her good night. Though at this point, I didn't have much of a night left.
But I was all dressed up. New gear. I haven't worn a white button-up in at least 10 years. I liked how it looked. Passing women seemed to like how it looked as well.
Stopped at the hip-hop bar, which was cool, but packed. I'm not going to stand at the end of this bar for the next 2 hours.
Walked down. The bar with all kinds of scotch and beer was packed. Again, I'm not standing.
The smoking bar. Perfect. Didn't want to stink of smoke in the morning, but at least I can sit down... and, well... smoke. 80s music tonight. The music at this place has gone horribly downhill since I'd left. It used to be tom waits and other various interesting music. Now, you're actually lucky to hear 80s music.
The girl to my left had attempted to exchange glances in a few instances. I'd been getting it all day while shopping. Today, my ego was at that point a virgin boy in a whorehouse ready to explode on or in anything that might accept him for a half minute. But I wasn't sure I wanted to talk.
She began packing up and I decided that stroking my ego was all that was left of the night and the girl whose glances were keeping me satisfied was about to leave.
"Leaving so soon? I was still working up the nerve to buy you a drink. Here, let me buy you another Guinness while I try to get up the nerve to talk to you."
"I've had plenty and she said she's in Brooklyn."
"You've had plenty of Brooklyn?"
"No, plenty to drink and my friend's coming in from Brooklyn."
"I see. So no on the guinness."
"You don't have to buy me a drink."
"If I had to, I most defintiely wouldn't"
She sat back down. I was as sexually attracted to her as I was to my orange lighter. Not that she was disfigured or even slightly ugly in any way. She was cute in the way cartoon babies are cute. Big eyes, big cheeks, glasses were stylish but slightly too large.
she's a mathemetician studying evolutionary genetics and i'm a drunk in need of miscellaneous conversation. we went from india (where she's from) to chicago (yeeeeeeeeeeah) to differences in culture and hospitality and trains and though entertained, it was beginning to smell like time-to-go. And then the question...
"Do you believe in god?"
Oh, how I've missed new york. "not specifically. as I'm sure you understand more than most, there's no way to prove god's existence, so I generally stick with good 'ol 'i don't know'"
"right, but there's no way to disprove it either"
"exactly my point"
The fun part is to notice the fork in conversation and then to be surprised by the road taken. I was. She went on about Bertrand Russel's paradox and how it changed the foundations of math and split mathemeticians forever and more about pythagorean and brought up a few points and examples that I literally had to ingest, disconnect, replay, visualize, comprehend, reconnect, nod in understanding and ask her to continue.
I was left speechless for a moment. Not specifically in awe or anything. Just trying to put it all back together.
During this 20 minute rant her friend had shown and I'd been texting and talking to AW who still has no id. We damn near decided on 40s in the park (my suggestion) when I figured fuck it, it's too god damned cold for some bullshit i don't specifically feel like doing.
I came back from my conversation, took a moment to get to the heart of the discussion. Realized why I was confused and politely interrupted her conversation.
"So you asked me if I believe in god." She nods. "And I said not exactly because there's no proof." Nod. "And you told me there's no way to disprove." Nod. "And I acknowledged your point as a shared one." Smile and Nod. "And then you asked me about Bertrand Russel and went on a 20 minute rant about how he changed mathematics, etc, etc to show how some things cannot be disproven, which is meant to back up your point, which I all-Ready agree with."
"What can I say, I'm a mathemetician."
"And I'm drunk. I bid you good evening."
Signed my check, stood up, began to walk out. Stopped back to get her number, mentally noting - Good for more miscellaneous drunken conversation.
MB called as I re-entered the hip hop bar for one last drink. He was about to knock out. Working too hard as usual and exhausted. Told him to call me the next day, but I'm near positive I'm not gonna see him for at least another year.