TDay and BDay
2005-11-26 2:09 a.m.
I promised myself I wouldn�t work this much after I left NY. Then again I also promised myself not to waste time with silly girls and to go somewhere foreign for a short stretch and to get some shit organized. Oh and to write and draw more, unfortunately the only thing I�ve drawn is that silly girl, and my writing has been wretched. I did get my turntables back up though�After about 360 hours of work in 18 days (give or take), I�m about as sharp as the left over mashed potatoes. Coffee puts me to sleep and beer keeps me wired. I�m far more fluent in programming languages than I am in English. I haven�t written or said anything of substance in all that time�
Though after a conversation with L, who lost someone close to her, I was reminded that I�m not merely a vessel for bullshit and code. I was feeling a lil sorry for myself for a bit. And then I heard L hold her tears over the phone, telling me about her closest cousin who�d died in a motorcycle accident earlier in the day. By the end of the conversation she was laughing. Of course I know the laughter was partially forced, but even the effort is a reward on both ends. I reminded her of my crazy schedule and told her to call whenever to keep her head straight. I hate dealing with death, but I deal well due to my beliefs in such things. It�s hard for me to imagine how painful it is for others to deal with.
I looked through my empty change jar ($1.46) and considered quitting smoking for a week so I could get my craving under control. Then said fuck-it and IMd a friend in Vegas to paypal me $50.
I generally don�t mind being broke so much. I�m not one to care for money to a detrimental point, but after years of legitimate work, I�d rather not have to think about money so much. I mean if I was bullshitting or on a subpar hustle or running corners, then I wouldn�t think twice about a week or two sans loot, but running things in a way that requires no shoulder checking, I expect to be a bit more secure with my income.
Hopefully N gets a gig soon. At least he�s looking. G. was sitting amongst depression and homesickness with little chance for getting a gig. Love him to death, but I�d rather support him somewhere less expensive. Hopefully N gets something together soon so we can keep it going out here.
While talking to TBX the other day, he told me his roommate might be on the outs by February, giving me the open invite to move to the Bronx early next year. Although I�ve changed my position from never NY again to maybe a little later, I don�t think I�m going to want to move back there just yet.
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It�s a strange thing, to sit in your shorts with the front door open on thanksgiving. I�d been getting calls all day from Chicago (14 degrees!!) and NY (about half of the temp here).
N and I hooked up an incredible feast on a measly budget. Baked Mac and Cheese, Enchiladas, Beans, Gorditas, Mashed Potatoes. Rather odd of us to have a vegetarian Thanksgiving. No less, all the food was incredible and we�ve been stuffed since.
I�s lil brother came by with some beer. He seemed somewhat uncomfortable sitting in silence watching the muted TV with the hip hop bumping on random. I didn�t mind joining any conversation he brought up, I just didn�t have much to say on my own. Eventually I passed out and he left. I apologized as I walked him out offering a night of drinks sometime soon.
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Got some bad news from said silly girl a week or so ago. Unfortunately she didn�t even know for sure if the news concerned me or not. It�s a hard thing to deal with and she seems to be dealing well. I hope she knows I�m here for her if things get a bit heavy for her.
I wanted to visit to ensure she was ok, but she�s got bigger and better things going for her for the moment and I don�t want to interfere. Feel I�d be more of a nuisance than a help.
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My birthday was ok. Rather subpar compared to most, but N and A kept it fun. I wrote about the night but there�s not too much worth repeating besides one small excerpt�
�Dude, your hair is in-CREDIBLE�
And it was. In my head, I�d already entitled the well moussed sculpture an �ode to fire�. The architecture of the contraption on his head that he called hair defied gravity and sliced through the air as if ripping an opening in space and time itself. He came by to take the bottles off our table and I was overwhelmed with the urge to share.
Of course with N and A there, there was no way of pulling it off with any sort of friendly sincerity. I wanted to know how long it took and how often he goes through that process. Does he sleep on it? Does he wake up covered in feathers from his shredded pillow from it? I was intrigued. But that quote lay the mound for a throw of laughter between the two people closest to me in all of California. And though I defended my sincerity, I couldn�t blame them.
Once again, the laughter of others makes me into the asshole. In the past I would have apologized to him on the way to the bathroom or something, but that usually tends to be misconstrued as a mockery of things, so I said fuck it and carried on with my drink.
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It was great to see A. Her presence made my birthday that much better. I�m not sure how much I miss NY, but I miss the people out there to death.
The plan for now is to head to Chicago for Christmas and then to NY for new years. I�m so excited I could piss myself.
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Vivica Fox just came on TV and N just proclaimed �It�s like she�s got 2 bald-headed midgets in her dress!� And that�s my queue to stop typing. Don�t give much of a damn about Ms. Fox�s midget problem and inability to cover them, but a drink on the couch is definitely in order.