Under My Skin
2005-08-23 8:27 a.m.
�It was humorously tragic, actually. Candles rolling, whaling along with sad music in the dark with a bottle of scotch swinging from my fingers.�That�s part of an email to a friend on a similar trip. Not the drunken loser part of it, the dealing with twentysomething internal drama.
I�d recently received a sweet email from S. stating all the things I�ve done for her and how little she�s done for me. It was very nice of her to point these things out. Unfortunately she decides to acknowledge such things long after they matter.
My original response� Unfortunately, all I have is that you�re confused and far too self-absorbed to allow such a beautiful thing to blossom naturally. All this time I was fighting for a chance and you were fighting me. Throughout most, the blame was planted on my shoulders.
My actual response� Very nice of you to say, maybe we can stay in touch from a distance.
I know, it seems like I pussied out, but it�s just the opposite actually. I don�t have that bad an opinion of her - truly lover her, actually and always will, and though she may �deserve� to think I do, I�m not going to play that game.
That tragic scene from above seems to be based more on my situation overall than my recent breakup. I�d love to feel that pain for her, or for anyone for that matter, as THAT pain is a beautiful one. But the shit I was going through was a bit harsh for a 4 month long distance relationship that had the roots chopped off long before it�d been planted.
And as sad as it is to watch a plant die in dry bowl next to the sink, moving on has a lot less to do with avoiding her and a lot more to do with tending to rest of the plants in the apartment.
...
On another note, I just talked to so-and-so back home, who recently moved into a questionable neighborhood...
�Man, so-and-so and I have already agreed that should anything happen to one of us we're dragging that fucker next door into the trunk of a stolen car and puting two in his head.�
Ah yes... this is why TV bores me so