Wingman
2007-01-07 4:01 p.m.
I don�t think about the trees very much unless I�m looking for a good climbing one. But I just got a postcard from the electric company stating that they�ll be sending the bills out in larger envelopes.Really? Am I Really supposed to give a fuck?! Now, if we were talking about a drastic price change or an expected outage, sure� send the notice carved into a whole fucking oak tree. But larger envelopes? Don�t waste my fucking time, mailbox space, and oh yeah� paper.
---
Here�s something from a couple days before I left for Chicago�
I usually don�t do the whole �wingman� thing. I tend to be out solo when meeting people, so it doesn�t come up much. For those who don�t know, the wingman is the guy who �takes it for the team�. Unfortunately this is a required role when meeting groups of women.
The wingman distracts �the friend� while the main guy makes the move. Why must such a thing be done? Because the friend can potentially be the biggest cock block on the planet. She�ll get bored and see her girl having a good time with some guy and drag her away into the cold lonely night. Misery and company. So, the proper wingman enthralls the friend into conversation deeply enough that she forgets that her friend exists.
Meanwhile the main shooter and the target get to know each other, undistracted. There�s days worth of shit to write about wingman duties. It�s about as complex and general as �shotgun duties� (for those of you in places where people drive).
I played wingman tonight�
See� you ask me where to go in NYC on a Friday night, and we�ll end up in a nearly empty bar with a decent beer and scotch selection. Sure, I know that when most people ask for a �good place to go� on a Friday night, they have all sorts of expectations. My answer is the furthest from �them�. I hate amateur nights, and my recommendations reflect said hatred.
So after we left the first bar and went our separate ways, my recommendations led us to a nice, quiet bar not too far away. For the first time all night we could actually hear each other talk, and the conversation was a decent foray into how backpackers ruined hip hop (because AW was wearing a backpack for the evening). TBX gets a call from some chick who he�s been kinda talking to for over a year. He was about to blow it off when everyone decided he needed to holler at her.
There�s something universally known among us. TBX is a good guy with zero game. I mean, he�s a damned good guy, smart, odd sense of humor, nice, but he�s just a complete idiot. What he really needs is a geek of a woman who can take his ridiculous jokes and his horror movie obsession. Of course, this isn�t what attracts him.
But regardless of this, his game is Weak. It could be much better, except he doesn�t know when to tone himself down a bit. He attracts them with his boyish charm and sincere interest in things, but then he keeps going on and on about bullshit when the girl just wants him to shut the fuck up and pay attention.
And that�s the problem for a lot of us. We need to know when to shut the fuck up. I�m dealing with this with the Christian girl lately as well. She�s no idea when to just stop talking shit for 5 minutes. She thinks she�s witty. I think she�s annoying.
So we find the girls at the next bar. Ideally, TBX would have made the introductions and started talking to ol� girl. No. An obvious awkward moment. I nudged AW. Nada. Nudged TBX. Half-assed introductions. He stood there giggling about bullshit with AW. I swooped around and started talking to the friend. Didn�t look up once in the hopes that TBX would get the idea.
He didn�t. 45 minutes later he just wanted to leave. So we went out front and R and I talked some sense into him.
TBX: �Yo fuck this place, this bar is wack�
Everyone seems to be leaving. I get VS�s number and apologize for leaving then catch up with the other 3 out front�
R: �Yo, why did we leave?�
TBX: �Fuck that place, it�s wack�
Me: �Where the fuck else we gonna go? You got this girl here who invited you out on her last night in town and you ain�t said shit to her. Meanwhile I already Have her friend�s number.�
R: �You got it?�
Me: �Damn right I got that shit, so we can go if you want, I�m straight, but you got the chance sit with this fine woman and you�re bullshittin�
TBX: �Fuck her, she don�t know what she wants.�
Me: �And what the fuck do You want? Lets go back in and handle shit�
We went back in and this time TBX was at least smart enough to sit by the girl. I knew if I stayed in the circle, I would have to run the conversation, so I went to the back bar to let everyone get acquainted.
But by the end of the night, the girl TBX came to see was entertaining a couple other dudes (doctors from their hospital) and I was engulfed in conversation with the friend. What good is playing wingman without a squad leader? If I knew we were headed this route, I would have gone after the main girl. She�s dope. And it was her last night is town.
---
Saw VS the day before I left for Chicago. And talked to her a couple times while I was gone. Pretty interesting girl. She�s in Chile til the 9th so we�ll see what pans out from there.
---
About my last post. I meant my silly rant, BUT there are, in fact, a small group of women in my life who, for the entirety of the time I�ve known them, never had to pay for shit unless they snuck off with the check or otherwise forced it.
There�s a difference between them and the Christian Chick. She is expecting payment for her time. On top of that she�s the type to be offended should things be expected of her. Expectations go both ways. You Expect me to pay, I Expect you to play.
Funny aside about her before I go. We were supposed to link up on Sunday. She woke me up in her annoying way the previous Friday. I wasn�t happy about that phone conversation. So I started what became 3 very long, detailed, well thought out rant emails about how her wit is pointless and annoying and how she needs to lean how to stop talking shit and try to have an actual decent conversation.
She didn�t call Sunday. I was pleased to be rid of her, especially in such a way. A few days later, I�m waking up to a text message with the taste of scotch in my mouth on my cousin�s couch in Chicago.
�I miss you�
I know damn well she doesn�t. She wants to know what I got her for Christmas. Possibly not, but that�s my bet.
Called her a couple days later and we actually had a normal conversation. Later in the conversation, she brought up the �wit� thing. Explained it all again. She finally �got it�. (she did also ask about her Christmas present).
Talked to her last night trying to convince her to grab breakfast at midnight. Ended up in something stupid because she asked me to take her to Hawaii. I don�t think she meant it, but she did go on about some friend whose guy gave her a Gucci watch after 3 months or some shit. Right. Insecure dude holds woman�s attention with expensive gift. Very original. A truly solid foundation for a relationship.
Later in the conversation, she offered to give me one of the Banana Nut bread loaves she was making. Sounds good, sure, why not.
This morning, I�m awoken to a text message.
�You taking me out tonight?�
I had actually planned to or was considering it actually though I do have friends in town, but what a shitty way to ask.
�I dunno, I have friends in town.�
�Yes or No�
Obviously she�s making plans
�Maybe�
�Ur loss is my dates gain�
�oh my. you�re giving him my bread?�
�hell yeah! U don�t want it. Plus he treats me all the way.�
�Enjoy your free dinner�
Right. Done. I can't believe this bitch is 35. To some strange incredibly minor level I do wonder if she thought to herself "oooh, I'm gonna make him jealous." But then again, I really don't give a fuck. Another sexy waste of time. At least the other one was interesting.
---
As for Chicago. Well, there�s just far too much to fit here, but I should have a couple excerpts in the next day or so.